各位好,欢迎来到作文专栏的第八期,关于专栏的介绍可见
怎样写一篇作文?
从提升语言能力的角度来讲,写后修改比写作本身更加重要,通过修改我们能不断发现自己的问题,从而有针对性地提升。查词典是修改的一个重要环节,对于任何不确定的表达,都要去词典里看看能不能找到相应的例证,或者寻找更加合适的表达。
举个例子,对于下面的句子:
The soaring unemployment rate and housing price hang over millions of fresh graduates nationwide.
如果不确定 housing price 是否正确,可以查查词典里面 house 的词条:
从这里可以看出,“房价”的说法一般是 house prices,而不是 housing price,此外,句子开头冠词 the 应该去掉,unemployment rate 应该改成 unemployment rates,即:
Soaring unemployment rates and house prices hang over millions of newly-minted graduates nationwide.
今天要分析的题目是:
The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world involves enormous government expenditure. This money should be used in new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
下面是原始作文版本:
习作/LJ
Over the past two decades, whether government funding should be spent on protecting old buildings or creating new residential blocks and roads has become a controversial topic. It is true that old architecture is of great value, I believe we should attach some importance to people's basic necessities.
On the one hand, old buildings can be a cash cow and contribute a lot to many sectors of economy. Older buildings, some of which are of artistic or historic value, are often seen as a symbol of local culture. This means that these dilapidated and aged buildings tend to give character to a city and form part of tourist attractions, thereby attracting hoards of tourists. Local communities can charge admission fees and businesses such as restaurants, hotels and cafes can earn profits. In this way, restoring and redecorating old buildings can facilitate local economic growth.
On the other hand, governments should pay attention to the lack of housing and the seriousness of traffic jams. Due to the urbanisation, a large number of people have flocked into big cities and towns from rural areas to find employment and improve their living standards. As a result, the demand for residential buildings is outrunning supply; besides, traffic congestion is increasingly serious. Therefore, governments should give priority to building residential blocks to relieve the pressure on the housing market and widen narrow roads or create new roads to ease traffic congestion.
In my view, although restoring old construction is beneficial to us in terms of boosting economy,we should lay more emphasis on the development of housing and roads. If there are not enough apartment blocks, many people will become homeless, which poses a threat to social stability,because these people are likely to feel treated unfairly and become angry with the whole society,thereby committing crimes.
这是点评版本:
Over the past two decades, whether government funding should be spent on protecting old buildings or
creating
(creating 改为 constructing)
new residential blocks and roads has become a controversial topic. It is true that old
architecture
(architecture 是指建筑风格或者建筑学,而不是指建筑物)
is of great value, I believe we should attach some importance to people's
basic necessities
.
(basic necessities 是指衣服、食品等生活必需品,不能用来指住房和交通需求,这里可以改成 basic needs)
On the one hand, old buildings can be a cash cow and contribute a lot to
many sectors of economy
.
(改为 many economic sectors)
Older
(Old)
buildings, some of which are of artistic or historic value, are often seen as a symbol of local culture. This means that these dilapidated
and aged
(dilapidated 本身包含有 aged 的含义,所以这里可以删去一个)
buildings tend to give character to a city and form part of tourist attractions, thereby attracting hoards of tourists. Local communities can charge admission fees and businesses such as restaurants, hotels and cafes can earn profits. In this way, restoring and redecorating old buildings can facilitate local economic growth.