在一期综艺里，何炅说：
他们可能都不太愿意承认，朋友是阶段性的。但是我觉得就算是不承认，也必须要接受，大家不一样了
。
这句话引起有些网友共鸣。
初中时的作业搭子、厕所搭子，上了高中后分到了不同的学校，见面次数屈指可数，有些人就渐渐走远了。
当时认为我们会是一辈子的好朋友，现在朋友圈都不互相点赞。这样的友谊，还需要维持吗？
下面这篇文章会让遇到同样情况的你释然，一起看看吧。
The psychology of
outgrowing
relationships:
why we '
shed
' friends at different stages of our lives
疏远关系心理学：
为什么我们在生命的不同阶段 “抛弃”朋友
outgrow
v
因长大而放弃
shed
v
摆脱
It's not nice to think about, but there comes a point in every person's life where they outgrow someone they were previously close with. It often happens slowly: different life directions mean you stop
hanging out
as much, then they're no longer the first person you go to with news, and before you know it your contact
grows
stilted (生硬的), revolving (以
……
为中心)
primarily around birthdays or Christmas.
想想就让人难过，但每个人生命中都会有某个时刻，会离开之前亲近的人。这通常是缓慢发生的：不同的生活方向意味着你们不再经常一起玩，你不再第一时间跟他们分享消息，在你意识到这点之前，你们的联系逐渐变得生分起来，且主要是在生日和圣诞节时才有联系。
hang out 常和某人厮混
grow [熟词生义]
v
逐渐变得
As the person being 'left behind', it can feel deeply
personal
, even when it's not. And for the person doing the growing, the feelings of guilt can be
overwhelming
to say the least
.
即使事实并非如此，作为被“抛弃”的人，也会深深地感到被针对了。而对于正在成长的人来说，最起码也会被罪恶感包围。
personal [熟词生义]
adj
针对个人的
overwhelming
adj
巨大的；压倒性的
to say the least 至少可以说
"
All friendships, regardless of how long they enter our lives for, serve a purpose,
"
says Mariel Witmond, a life coach and founder of Mindful Sonder (探索者).
"
So when friendships do
end, it's not uncommon for the break-up to feel sad, painful and even confusing mostly because we assume it shouldn't hurt as much as a romantic break-up, but it does. There's a grief process we often have to
go through
to
mourn
and move on
.
"
生活教练兼思想探索者创始人Mariel Witmond说，“所有的友谊，无论陪伴我们多久，都有其用途。” “因此，当友谊结束时，感到悲伤、痛苦甚至困惑，并不罕见——我们认为终止友谊不应像恋情分手那样痛苦，但事实上却同样痛苦。我们通常需要经受一段悲伤的历程来哀悼，并继续前进。”
go through 经受某事；经历某事（指困境、痛苦等）
mourn
v
（因失去…而）哀悼；忧伤
But that doesn't mean it isn't
a tough pill to swallow
.
但这并不意味着我们能轻松地终止一段友谊。
a bitter pill to swallow 必须吞下去的苦药丸；不得不接受的现实
tough [熟词生义]
adj
嚼不烂的
Why do we outgrow certain friendships?
为什么我们会放弃某些友谊？
As we
age
, our close friendships are going to change, much like we do – and that is perfectly OK.
"
Sometimes that means leaving things that no longer serve us or
hold us back
behind,
"
says Witmond.
随着年龄的增长，我们的亲密友谊将会发生变化，就像我们做的那样——这完全没问题的。“有时这意味着离开那些不能再满足我们需求或妨碍我们前进的事物。”Witmond说。
age [名词动化]
v
变老
hold sb back 阻碍……的发展
"Maybe our lifestyle has changed or we are focused on personal growth when they might not be. Or our paths have diverged (发生分歧)
due to
work or family."
“也许我们的生活方式变了，或者我们专注于个人成长，而他们可能并非如此。或者由于工作或家庭，我们分道扬镳。”
However, often our relationships merely outgrow the period they were
formed
in: childhood friends may no longer fit into or have anything in common, making it hard to
relate
to one another. And while outgrowing a friendship is not an inherently (本质上地) negative experience, it often feels like it, leading us to mourn or feel grief for what we've left behind.
然而，我们的关系往往只在建立之后才会疏远：童年的朋友可能和我们不再契合，或与我们不再有共同点，使彼此难以相互理解。虽然放弃一段友谊本质上并不是一种负面体验，但通常感觉似乎是负面的，这导致我们为抛弃的东西感到忧伤。
form [名词动化]
v
形成
relate [熟词生义]
v
（对别人的问题、处境等）认同；理解
"
Much like with romantic relationships, we often attach
illusions
to our friendships, and when they end, it's the bursting of the illusion and the disillusionment (幻想破灭) of the ego (自我) that can hurt the most,
"
Witmond explains.
"
We might attach some of our
worth
to that relationship and when it ends - depending on how it ends – it can feel like a loss of self
to a degree
. It's easy to assume something has ended because something is wrong with us.
"
“就像恋爱关系一样，我们经常给我们的友谊附加幻想，当友谊结束时，最伤人的是幻觉的破灭和自我意识的幻灭。” Witmond解释道。“我们可能会在那段关系上附加一些意义，当关系结束时——取决于结局如何——在某种程度上，感觉像是自我的丧失。人们很容易认为是由于我们之间出了问题而导致关系终止。”
illusion
n
幻想
worth
n
意义；价值
to a degree 在某种程度上
As Witmond suggests, when most friendships end, there's
ultimately
no one to blame - people just grow in different directions.
That being said
, if you keep losing friends for the same reason, then you might want to consider the role you are playing in the relationship and what you might need to work on to be a better friend.
正如Witmond建议的那样，当大多数友谊终止时，归根到底没有人应该受到责备——人们只是朝着不同方向成长。话虽如此，如果你因为同样的原因不断失去朋友，那么你可能要考虑一下你在这段关系中扮演的角色，以及你需要做些什么才能成为一个更好的朋友。
ultimately adv 根本上
that being said 话虽如此
How to
tell
if you've outgrown a friendship
如何判断你是否已经放弃了一段友谊
While it may take some deep
reflection
to catch the signs at first - they're often subtle - you will soon know when a friendship is no longer
serving its purpose
. According to Witmond, signs include feeling a sense of
obligation
due to the longevity of a friendship, dreading (极为担心) seeing someone or feeling unable to be yourself around them anymore.
虽然一开始可能需要深思熟虑才能捕捉到这些迹象——这些迹象通常是微妙的——但你很快就会知道一段友谊什么时候不再有意义了。根据Witmond的说法，为友谊的长久而产生责任感，害怕见到某人，或者在他们身边感觉再也无法做自己，这些迹象都表明这段友谊不再有意义。
reflection
n
审慎的思考 （reflect + -ion）
serve a purpose有用处；有意义
obligation
n
义务；责任
"
When we work on ourselves and discover the importance of
authenticity
and self-love, it becomes imperative (迫切的) for us to feel comfortable and be who we are around those closest to us or the relationship becomes draining ((精力)耗尽的),
"
she expresses.
"
The moment you dread engaging with someone is a sign that you are forcing something that isn't meant to be.
"
她表示：“当我们关注自我，发现真实和自爱的重要性时，我们迫切需要舒适，与身边最亲近的人一起时迫切需要做自己，否则我们的关系就会令人疲惫。”“当你害怕与某人交往时，这意味着你在勉强做某些不该做的事情。”
If you keep arguing, can't
see eye to eye
or
boundaries
keep getting
crossed
, these are also steadfast (不动摇的) signs that the friendship may be deteriorating (恶化).
如果你们总是争论，意见不一致，或者总是有人越界，这些都是可靠的迹象，表明你们的友谊可能正在恶化。
see eye to eye （两个人）观点一致；看法一致
cross a boundary 穿越边界
Can you ever stop a friendship from fizzling (起泡发出嘶嘶声) out?
你能阻止一段友谊破灭吗？
As painful as it may be to
distance
yourself from someone you once cherished, holding on usually becomes harder than letting go. If you don't feel good when you're together (whether it's about yourself, your friendship or your growth), then it's likely time for things to
come to a close
. However, it doesn't mean that you have to say goodbye forever.
尽管远离曾经珍视的人可能会很痛苦，但留住这段关系往往比放手更难。如果你们在一起时感觉不舒服（无论是对你自己、友谊还是你的成长而言），那么很可能到了该结束的时候。但是，这并不意味着你们不得不永久地告别了。
distance [名词动化]
v
拉开距离；与……疏远
come to a close 结束
"
The trouble is that friendships receive less cultural
prompts
for care and nurture than other relationships do, so friendships are often the first thing that falls to the
wayside
when life
