在介绍今天这本书前，安利一款阅读器：Kindle。我还是蛮推荐用Kindle来阅读英语原版书的，用手机或者IPAD来阅读，感觉很容易被其他信息干扰和分散注意力（我自己也是如此），而且Kindle的水墨屏读书真的很舒服，看久了眼睛也不会觉得累。
阅读过程中可以直接选词查阅，哪里不会点哪里~不需要停下来打开词典查阅那么麻烦（虽然查词反应可能略慢）。
kindle还会自动汇总你查过的生词~
今天我将化身情感博主，给大家安利一本有意思的书the gaslight effect。
这几天我在阅读这本书的时候，发现书中许多观点其实对我们还是挺有启发意义的，尤其是对没有恋爱经验或者正处于一段不开心的关系中的朋友们来说，更是如此。
“煤气灯效应”（the Gaslight Effect）成了描述一种不健康的情感关系的新名词。很多人在恋爱中就迷失了自我，明知自己不开心，却不舍得放弃，被“PUA”了可能都不知道。
一段好的恋情可以让人拥有好心情，共同进步。而一段坏的恋情，却会让人陷入自我怀疑、甚至抑郁。
当一段关系中你变得小心翼翼，患得患失，你就需要调整状态了，只有平等的关系才能健康发展下去，爱的太满有时候反而会让对方变得肆无忌惮。
我们来看看这本书的目录：
这本书语言不难，风格上有点像那种self-help book，不会有很文邹邹或者很晦涩的词汇，我们来看书中的几段内容：
1.有时候，你被“操控”了而不自知：
When someone we trust, respect, or love speaks with great certainty—especially if there’s a grain of truth in his words—it can be very difficult not to believe him. And when we idealize the gaslighter—when we want to see him as the love of our life, an admirable boss, or a wonderful parent—then we have even more difficulty sticking to our own sense of reality. Our gaslighter needs to be right, we need to win his approval, and so the gaslighting goes on.
2.学会自爱，才会被爱：
The key to freeing yourself from this crippling(极有害的) syndrome isn’t easy, but it is simple. All you have to do is understand that you are already a good, capable, and lovable person who doesn’t need an idealized partner to provide approval. Of course, this is easier said than done. But when you realize that you alone can define your sense of self— that you are a worthy person who deserves to be loved, regardless of what your gaslighter thinks—you’ve taken the jrst step toward freedom.
3.不要太过在心理上依赖别人，这让我想起一句话“你来，我信你不会走,你走我当你没来过”。人的一生中难免遇到“渣”，恋爱其实也是需要学习和成长的：
Once you understand that your entire sense of self doesn’t depend upon your gaslighter, you become willing to insist that the gaslighting end. And because you know you’re entitled to love and to a good life, you’re able to take a stand（态度，立场）: Either your gaslighter treats you well, or you’ll walk away. That’s the leverage you need to step back, look clearly at reality, and refuse to give in to your gasighter’s relentless criticism（不停的指责批评）, demands for perfection, and manipulative behavior（操控行为）.
对今天介绍这本书感兴趣的小伙伴，直接在英语书架公众号对话框回复：恋爱，即可获取这本书的下载链接，包括pdf和mobi格式，大家慢慢“食用”~以后我会不定期跟大家分享一下英语书籍，大家有喜欢的也欢迎在评论区互相安利~
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