各位晚上好，欢迎来到写作专栏第四期，关于栏目的介绍可见
怎样写一篇作文？
不少人在写作中容易出现用词单调的问题，一写到关于保护环境的话题，很多人通篇都是 protect the environment，一写到家庭教育话题则大量重复使用 parents 和 children 这些词。
实现用词多样化的一个方法是查词典，比如“保护环境”，除了 protect the environment 这一说法，我们还可以在英英词典中找到很多表达，比如 conserve the environment / save the planet / go green 等。转换词性也是一种常见方法，protect the environment 这种动宾结构可以换成名词结构 environmental preservation / protection / conservation, 两种方法结合起来可以极大拓展用词的多样性。
此外，平时在阅读英文材料时遇到好的多样性表达也要记下来。比如“农村与城市之间的差距”，我们一般想到的表达是 the gap between cities and the countryside, 《经济学人》用的是 the urban-rural divide
这样简洁地道的用法非常值得我们背诵和应用。
今天要分析的作文题目是：
Individuals can do nothing to protect the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
这是原始作文版本：
文 / vilixilin
It is sometimes argued that the environmental protection is closely related with governments and large companies while individuals cannot make a difference. I completely disagree with the idea and believed that the individuals have their own responsibility in improving the environment. Reasons as well as well relevant examples will be discussed in this essay.
To begin with, it does not mean that the governments and companies never play a role in environmental preservation. Governments can put forward a series of policies such as to deal with energy crisis, emission reduction and so on, whilst companies can produce environmental friendly products.
However, it is obvious that the environmental improvement relies heavily on raising people’s awareness of preserving the earth. Only when the citizens realize the significance of environmental conservation could the policies related to energy saving or extreme weather combating be well carried out. Therefore, people’s state of mind counts when dealing with the environmental issues.
Besides, individuals’ change in life style contributes to make much progress in improving our environment. Take forests in Brazil as an example. In the past, the tropical forest in Amazon diminished sharply due to heavy use of goods made by wood, while recently after residents cease to use wooden stuff such as disposable chopsticks, the chainsaw also stops, thereby increasing the forest coverage rate in the area.
In conclusion, even though governments and companies do play a crucial part, individual’s awareness and green life style benefit the planet a lot. Only when the three parties join hand will ensure our later generation the blue sky and enough sustainable resources.
这是点评版本：
It is sometimes argued that
the
(the 删去)
environmental protection
is closely related with
(这里介词有误，应该是 be related to，这里改成 falls within the scope of 会更好)
governments and large companies while individuals cannot make a difference. I completely disagree with the idea and
believed
(改成 believe)
that
the
(the 删去)
individuals have their own responsibility in improving the environment. Reasons as well as
well
(well 删去)
relevant examples will be discussed in this essay.
To begin with,
it
does not mean that
the governments
(这里是泛指政府，可以写成 governments 或者 the government，但不能写成 the governments，此外句子前面的 it 指代不明。句子可以改写成 It is true that governments and big compaines play a part in environmental protection.)
and companies never play a role in environmental preservation. Governments can put forward a series of policies
such as to deal with energy crisis, emission reduction and so on
,
(改成 to deal with energy crisis and reduce carbon emissions)
whilst companies can produce environmental friendly products.
However, it is obvious that the environmental improvement relies heavily on raising people’s awareness of preserving the earth. Only when
the
(the 删去)
citizens realize the significance of environmental conservation could the policies related to energy saving or
extreme weather combating
(
extreme weather combating 严格意义上并不属于环境保护的范畴，可以改成 carbon emissions reducing
)
be well carried out. Therefore, people’s
state of mind
(state of mind 含义是“情绪，心态”，用在这里不合适，可以改成 environmental awareness )
counts when dealing with
the
(the 删去)
environmental issues.
Besides, individuals’ change in life style contributes to
make much progress in improving our environment
.
(表达冗长，可改成 environmental improvements)
Take forests in Brazil as an example. In the past, the tropical forest in Amazon diminished sharply due to heavy use of goods made by wood, while recently after residents cease
d
to use wooden stuff such as disposable chopsticks, the chainsaw also
stops
,
(改成 stopped)
thereby increasing the forest coverage rate in the area.
(这里举例不太恰当，亚马逊雨林面积恢复并不是因为普通民众的消费习惯改变，而是因为国际社会的压力和巴西政府的政策，可参考维基百科词条 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deforestation_of_the_Amazon_rainforest )
In conclusion, even though governments and companies do play a crucial part, individual’s awareness and green life style benefit the planet
a lot
.
(a lot 较为口语化，用在书面表达中不合适，可以改成 greatly)
Only when
the three parties
(这里改成 all of them)
join hand will
ensure our later generation the blue sky and enough sustainable resources
.
(改成 our
later generations enjoy the blue sky and enough sustainable resources)
总结：
这篇作文相对来说比较容易写，主要观点以及例子都不难想到。上面的作文在观点上没有多大问题，但举例可以更加深入细致。此外，在语言表达上存在一些问题，比如 the 的使用经常出现问题 （中国学生的冠词经常用不好），还有倒装句的过多使用。类似
Only when the three parties join hand will ensure our later generation the blue sky and enough sustainable resources. 这样的句子如果没有充分必要应该尽量避免使用。
思路分析：
Individuals can do nothing to protect the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
