M 记得电影《午夜巴塞罗那》中有一句话：
M remembers a quote from the movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
“她并不知道她喜欢什么，她只知道她不喜欢什么。”
“She doesn't know what she likes but she knows what she doesn't like.”
这句话是在形容克里斯蒂娜。
The sentence is describing Cristina.
她是这部电影的主角之一，是一个不太清楚自己目标是什么的女孩子。
She is one of the protagonists in the movie, a girl who is not sure what her goals are.
她是流行音乐中会歌颂的那种“自由灵魂”。
She is the kind of “free soul” sung in pop music.
而这部电影的一大主题，正是她对不同生活的不断试探。
One of the main themes of this movie is her constant attempts to live a different life.
当时，M 觉得这句话真的很有吸引力，觉得这正是生活的魅力所在。
Back then M found this sentence really fascinating, thinking this is the beauty of life.
总有那么多东西等着你去试探，难道还有比这更美好的事情吗？
There are always so many things out there waiting for you to explore. It couldn’t get any better than this.
但那时的 M 只是个傻里傻气的孩子，还不知道生活能有多艰难。
But that was when M was a goofy child who didn’t know yet how hard life can be.
在父母羽翼下生活的日子，风平浪静。
She lived an ordinary life under the protection of her parents.
真实的世界和她自己之间，总是隔着一层纸，或是一个显示屏。
There is always a layer of paper or a display screen between her and the real world.
她事实上不需要为任何事情负责任。
She does not actually need to take responsibilities for anything.
她事实上并不知道什么是时间。
She does not really know what time is.
而现在，她已经觉得这句话毫无魅力。
Now she finds no charm in this sentence.
她只在里面看到了困惑与痛苦。
She only sees confusion and pain in it.
因为，时间已经追上了她。
Because, time has caught up with her.
当她回首过往，她在那段经历中只能看见被浪费的生命，以及无法挽回的遗憾。
As she looks back, she only sees her wasted life and feels irreparable regret.
而且，那种不知道应该做什么的状态，现在看来真的无比黑暗。
And that state where she did not know what to do looks really dark now.
不知道做什么，这真的是世上最大的苦难了。
Not knowing what to do is the greatest suffering in the world.
M 承受过这种苦难，在生活中和事业中都承受过。
M has suffered it, in her life and in her career.
M 曾经以为这种真空状态里蕴含的那种美，其实根本就不存在。它只有在发生于别人身上的时候，才看起来是美的。
