外刊阅读20240918｜如何在成年后交朋友？

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Chris Duffy isn't going to sugarcoat it: Making friends as an adult is hard. If you’ve ever tried to figure out exactly how to ask a potential platonic connection for their number—or word that first follow-up text—you know what he’s talking about. “It's mortifying ,” he says. “It requires being vulnerable and cringe -worthy and putting yourself out there.” Social awkwardness aside, it’s simply harder to meet new people as an adult, when you no longer have shared high school classes or a college dorm room. Add in long work hours, a fear of rejection, and lack of trust, and it’s no wonder many people struggle to make new friends.

Yet despite these obstacles, investing time and energy into growing your community is unequivocally worth it. Friendships keep us mentally and physically healthy. Your 20s are the ideal time to start reflecting on your own friendship-making style—knowledge that will serve you the rest of your life. In part, that means figuring out whether you’re a joiner or an initiator, says Nina Badzin, who hosts the podcast Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship.

As a joiner, you’ll make it a point to proactively join activities or events you find interesting, like dance classes, a kickball league, or a professional networking group. If you’re an initiator, you’ll step up to organize get-togethers. “Maybe you invite two people, and those two people invite two people,” she says. Being a joiner and being an initiator both require a conscious effort; knowing which you are will help you determine the best approach to making friends.

You’ll likely meet lots of people at work— proximity fuels close bonds—and those connections can lead to other connections. “The acquaintance you made at this thing may stay an acquaintance, but maybe you meet someone through that person who becomes a friend,” Badzin says. “It takes time. In your 20s, you’re planting these little seeds that hopefully will blossom later.” So if you hit it off with your colleague’s roommate at happy hour, exchange numbers and then actually follow up to plan another time to hang out. If that sounds daunting , remember that one of you has to make the first move. “Why not let it be you?” Badzin asks. “Somebody has to be brave. We really are in much more control of our social lives than we think.”