不能打不能骂，美国人怎么管孩子？丨CD电台

Can parents beat kids if they're disobedient? 
孩子不听话，家长可以揍吗？

I guess it depends on your definition of beat, first of all. There are levels, like hitting is very different from heavily beating, which is pretty much abuse. Let’s talk about light hitting first.  
首先看你是要怎么揍了，“打”有很多不同的程度，小打一下和胖揍一顿就很不同，打狠了基本上就算是虐待儿童了。我们先说可以接受的“小打”范围。

So spanking like hitting on the butt is sort of a thing, or slapping on the back of the hand might be a thing in some families. But there’s a lot of debate in the US right now about whether using physical punishment is good for kids at all. And I think there is still research being done in that area. But that’s also one of those things that is really difficult to research ethically.
打屁股是一种，有的家长也会打手背。但是现在美国对于是否应该体罚孩子有很大的争议，也有专门针对这方面的学术研究，但这类课题的伦理研究难度确实挺大的。

The growing trend is that if kids are able to understand words and logic, you should use words and logic. If they are not able to understand, hitting them probably isn’t gonna teach them anything either. And it seems kind of cruel. I think we are trending away from using any sort of physical punishment. If I had kids, I don’t think I would hit them ever. 
现在流行的趋势是说如果小孩已经能听得懂道理了，家长就应该以理服人；如果他们还太小，听不懂道理，打一顿也是教不会的。达不到教育的目的，而且太过野蛮。我认为现在的趋势就是尽量避免体罚，如果我有小孩了，我一定不会打他们的。

So how do we discipline our kids if they need to be disciplined? 
那么问题就来了，如果不体罚，我们是怎么管教小孩的呢？

Depending on the kinds of mistakes children make, parents would have different ways to deal with them. Mostly either we talk to them about why the things they did were wrong if they are able to understand that, and we make a good argument. If that doesn’t work, we can remove privileges.
针对孩子犯的不同的错误，家长会采取不同的措施。大部分时候是和他们谈话，告诉他们为什么那样做是错误的，摆事实讲道理说服他们。如果这样不管用，我们就剥夺他们的一些权利。

If it’s something small like just being sassy and talking back to your parents, they will probably send you to your room for the rest of the night. Grounding is a thing that we do a lot. You are not allowed to go out, to see your friends, or even watch TV. And maybe your mom will take away your phone or your other electronic devices.
如果只是犯了点小错，像是和家长顶嘴什么的，家长会把小孩关到卧室，让他们自己反省。“关禁闭”也是常用的惩罚办法，比如不准出门、不准见朋友、不准看电视、 没收手机和一切电子设备。

These kind of punishments are taking the place of physical punishments because there are also laws in the US about child abuse. It’s sort of a hazy line in between punishing your child physically and abusing your child physically. So we are very conscientious about that and we want to avoid it.
现在这类“剥夺权利”的惩罚渐渐代替了体罚，因为美国对于虐待小孩有着很严格的法律，而体罚和虐待之间的界线又十分模糊，所以我们对此很小心，要尽量避免。

For something more serious, like the child is doing drugs. Well, if they are already in college, parents can’t really do much to them.  The more independent you are, the less control your parents have over you. 
对于一些很严重的错误，比如吸毒那种，如果你已经上了大学，那你的父母也没啥办法了，你越独立，他们越不能把你怎么样。

But if they are still in high school, parents may take away their car access or their ability to go out after 6 pm, and force them to stay home. Since they probably don’t have a job, parents may also cut off their access to money. Some parents don’t know how to deal with it, they will actually kick their kids out of the house and not worry about them anymore. It’s not a good solution, but some parents are very bad at being parents, and some kids are real assholes. 
但如果你还在读高中，家长就可以没收你的车，或者规定你6点以后不准出门，强迫你待在家里。而且这个时候你多半没有工作，他们也可以切断你的经济来源。也有些家长实在不知道咋管了，就索性把孩子赶出家门，再也不管了。这虽然不是什么好办法，但怎么说呢，有些家长就是不太合格，有些孩子也确实很混账。

If kids get abused, they could go to the police or just tell anyone on the street and they will call the police for them. Even your neighbor may call the police on you if they see you beating kids. And depending on how serious it is, the parents may lose their custody or even be sent to prison.
如果孩子被虐待了的话，他们可以报警，或者随便在街上找个路人帮忙报警。如果你的邻居发现你在打孩子，他们也很有可能会报警。如果打得严重了，家长有可能会失去监护权甚至坐牢。

How did your parents encourage you to study hard? 
你的爸妈是怎样鼓励你学习的？

I got the impression from them that I was not going to succeed in life if I didn’t do well in school. And I think they just taught me that by saying it a lot. I was a pretty obedient kid so I just did it. 
他们就洗脑啊，说如果我成绩不好，以后的人生就做不成什么事了。他们就是反复说、各种说，我小时候本来也很听话，所以就照做了。

One thing my parents did was I wasn’t allowed to access any entertainment until I had done all of my homework. So I would try to finish all my homework ASAP so that I could watch TV or play on the computer. That’s pretty common. 
他们还做过一件事，就是规定我在写完作业之前，不准看电视。所以我很有动力，想尽快写完作业，就能看电视玩电脑了。很多家长也都这样做。

The other thing my parents did is they would reward us for getting good report cards at the end of every semester. So they would pay us some small amount of money for every A or B we got and I don’t think we got anything for Cs or lower. 
如果期末考成绩好，我爸妈还会奖励我们。每得一个A或者B，他们会给我们一点钱，得C或者以下就啥都没有。

For some kids who don’t study quite as hard, or aren’t so good at studying, sometimes their parents will force them to go to a tutor or to stay after school to study in a more formal environment. Sometimes they will sign them up for classes on weekends. 
对于一些不喜欢学习、或者不擅长学习的小孩，他们的父母会强迫他们找家教，或者放学留在学校继续学习，有时候还会给他们报周末的学习班。

If I needed help with homework, my parents made sure try their best to help me.  I think that was important in letting me know that they valued the things I was trying to learn.  Usually if I had a problem that I couldn’t figure out, I would go to them for help. They would try to guide me to the answer instead of directly giving it to me.
如果我在课业上需要帮助，我爸妈会很重视，尽最大努力来帮我。我觉得让孩子 get 到你重视他们正在学习的东西也很重要。如果我遇到不会写的作业，我会去问他们，他们会引导我去自己解决问题，而不是直接跟我说答案。

I don’t particularly remember them trying to build my interest in any specific area. They were just like, figure out what you like and we will support you. So I tried out a whole bunch of different things I wasn’t very good at. Then I found biology and now I am stuck here, for better or worse. 
我不记得我爸妈培养过我的什么兴趣，他们只是告诉我，去找到你喜欢做的事情，我们都支持。所以我尝试过各种各样的事情，发现自己都不擅长。直到我发现了生物学这个东西，一体验就掉坑里了，天知道是好是坏。

I feel like our parents’ generation was very bad at guiding us toward what we liked. I guess we can’t really blame them because there were just not that many useful resources available back then. Now we have the internet and the colleges today provide more open houses where they let people come in to see what the departments are really like, to help more people understand hard stuff like science and engineering. 
我觉得我们家长那一辈的人都不太会引导我们发现自己的兴趣。这也不能怪他们，因为那个年代没有那么多信息资源。现在我们有了网络，大学也有了更多的开放日，让所有人都能真正走进各个学院的大楼，了解他们是干什么的，帮助更多的人理解深奥难懂的科技知识。

Like the NASA sponsored department in our school has several open houses, maybe one every semester, to introduce their basic space stuff to whoever is interested. They have a lot of interesting things like 3d maps, rocket models, and telescopes. A lot of parents take their kids there to get first-hand information about NASA and kids can find out for themselves if they are interested. 
比如NASA（美国国家航空暨太空总署）在我们学校建的学院就有好几次开放日，貌似一学期一次，用来给大众普及航空知识。他们有很多有意思的东西，像3D地图、火箭模型、望远镜。很多家长都会带小孩来了解这些知识，让他们有机会自己去体验，从而发现兴趣。

Some parents might also encourage their kids to hang out with people who have a background in potentially interesting fields. My friend, who is also a biologist, has a 5 year old niece who shows interest in biology. So she got her a microscope to teach her about cells and how to see cells in different plants. Her niece gets really into it and now she can tell you about tons of different cells. 
有些家长会注意到小孩潜在的一些兴趣，然后鼓励他们多去跟有这些方面专业背景的人交流。我有个朋友也是个生物学家，她有个5岁的侄女对生物很感兴趣。我朋友就给她买了个（光学）显微镜，教她细胞的概念，以及怎么观察不同植物的细胞。她对此越来越着迷，现在她能给你说出一堆细胞的事情。

Did you share household responsibilities as a kid?  
你小时候会帮忙做家务吗？

Yes, we all had our different chores. I had to do dusting and cleaning bathrooms every week. My older sister was in charge of vacuuming. I don’t really remember the other people’s chores. Every now and then they would get us all to wash the car too. And in winter, we all had to shovel the snow to clear the driveway out in front of our house.
会的，我们家所有人都被分派了家务。我每周要负责擦灰和扫厕所，我姐姐要负责吸地板，其他人干了啥我就不太记得了。每隔一段时间爸妈还会让我们一起洗车，冬天的时候我们要一起铲雪，把房子前面的车道挖出来。

I feel like at first they didn’t pay us. And then there were so many of us kids and we talked among ourselves, and we forced them to pay us because we were unhappy about doing chores.  I also remember at one point negotiating a 25 cent raise for cleaning one of the bathrooms, because it was much bigger than the other one, so it should be worth more.
我记得一开始他们是没给钱的，后来我们几个私下交流了一下，大家都对免费做家务很不满，于是集体联合抗议，他们也就只好给钱了。我还记得有一次我打扫了一个大厕所，要求加薪25美分。那个厕所真的是大很多，应该要加钱。

Beyond that, though, it was a long time ago and I am really old now. My brain is not what it’s used to be, so I might be making up some of the details.  
别的事情就不大记得了，年纪大了，脑子不灵了哈哈哈。

Overall, it is pretty common for US families to give the kids chores to do, and I think that my family might have been the odd ones out because we actually got paid for it.  Most American families I know didn’t pay their children for doing chores. They are a good way to teach kids important life skills, like how to clean a bathroom, or do laundry, or wash dishes.
总的来说大部分美国家庭都会给小孩分派家务活儿，可能像我们家这种要给小孩报酬的比较少，我认识的大部分人都不给的。分派家务是件好事儿，可以让孩子们学会一些必要的生活技能，比如怎么扫厕所，怎么洗衣服洗碗。

It is also fairly common for parents to give their children a weekly or monthly allowance: a small amount of money that they can spend however they want.  That can be a good way to teach financial responsibility, and give kids a taste of what planning finances is like.
家长们一般每周或者每月会固定给小孩一些零花钱，给的不多，他们可以自己决定怎么花。这是一个教小孩对自己的财务负责的好办法，让他们体验一下计划开支是什么样的。

Of course, I was raised pretty firmly middle class, and I’m sure that these things might be different for people with much more or much less than we had.
不过我是在一个中产阶级家庭长大的，其他阶层的家庭情况可能会些不同。