对个人能力的研究和对自恋的研究就对立的厉害，实在让人费解。
青少年的自恋现象：追求特殊和追求独一无二区别在哪里?
Self-entitled, moi? Teens, narcissism and why 'special' and 'unique' are different things
译者：羊神兽 原文作者：Lea Waters
Psychological science is full of interesting topics, many of which align to tell a coherent picture of human nature, but some of which create seemingly contradictory stories. A case in point is the thorny, and misunderstood, intersection between strength-based science and the research on narcissism.
心理学里充满了各种有趣的话题，其中很多都为了描绘出人类的本性。然而，有部分话题似乎会相互矛盾。举个例子，对个人能力的研究和对自恋的研究就对立的厉害，实在让人费解。
There is now convincing evidence to show that narcissism is on the rise, especially in our youth. Some researchers have gone so far as to say that it is occurring in epidemic proportions, with about 25% of young people showing symptoms of narcissism. The inflated ego of Generation Me is reflected in reality TV, celebrity worship, out-of-control consumerism, voyeurism, materialism … perhaps even a new breed of president.
目前已有确切的证据表明自恋情绪正在社会上蔓延，且在青少年群体中尤为突出。有些科学家甚至说自恋情绪正像疫病一样传播，已经有约25%的年轻人有自恋癖的症状。自恋一代的自我膨胀在参加电视真人秀、崇拜偶像、过度消费、打听八卦、拜金等行为中都表现了出来。
We are correct to be concerned about this phenomenon but our fear that all kids are budding narcissists has caused an unhelpful counter-reaction to approaches that seek to make our children and teens feel good about themselves.
对这种情况忧心并没有错。但是由于我们过分担心孩子变成自恋狂，我们对能建立孩子的自信的育儿方法有了抵触情绪，这对孩子的成长没有好处。
In my own research on strength-based parenting it is common for people to wrongly label this approach as a recipe for self-entitlement. Their argument seems to be that a child who knows their strengths will automatically view themselves as better than everyone else. It is argued that the self-assurance that comes with identifying and using their positive qualities will make a child arrogant, selfish and uncaring. Genuine confidence about one’s strengths is categorised as over-confidence; desirable self-knowledge is branded as excessive self-admiration.
在我一项关于自信育儿法（strength-based parenting）的研究中，我发现人们大多认为这种方法会让孩子变得自负。他们的论点是，如果孩子知道了自己的能力多强后，他们自然而然认为自己比其他人棒。他们说，来源于认识自己，并通过应用自己优势带来的自信会让孩子变得自大自私，不关心他人。在这里，真自信变成了过分自信，认识自我变成了过度的自我崇拜。
Why does this occur? It’s partly because more is known about narcissism than strengths. While strengths psychology has largely stayed within the confines of academic journals or has been applied only within certain contexts such as the workplace, research on narcissism has made its way into the mass media and into our collective conscious. The New York Times noted that narcissism is a favoured “go-to” topic and that people everywhere are diagnosing others with it.
为什么会这样呢？部分原因在于我们对能力的认识没有对自恋的认识来的多。关于能力的心理学研究一直以来只在学界流传，而关于自恋的研究却能在大众媒体上传播，融进我们的意识中。《纽约时报》写道，自恋是人们喜欢谈论的话题，而且各地的人都热衷于诊断其他人有没有自恋现象。
The fear that a strength-based approach will cause narcissism also occurs because we unwittingly fall prey to binary thinking. We mistakenly believe that one cannot be both confident and humble. We focus on Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian rather than Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa. There’s no way that Gandhi and Mother Teresa could have achieved what they did without confidence in their strengths, and yet they are both pillars of humility and selflessness.
我们之所以担忧建立自信的方法会造成自恋，是因为我们不知不觉被二元思维束缚了。我们错误地认为人不可能在自信的同时保持谦逊。我们的目光都放在了特朗普和金·卡戴珊的身上，而忽略了甘地和特蕾莎修女。如果甘地和特蕾莎对自己的能力不够自信的话，他们是不可以有如此成就。然而，他们同时还是谦逊和无私的丰碑。
When we assume that strength-focus is the same as a self-focus, we fail to entertain the idea that people who know their strengths are, actually, more likely to be pro-social and focus on helping others.
当我们把关注自我能力等同于关注自我的话，我们就无法接受这样一个观点：了解自己能力的人更可能亲近社会，帮助他人。
It’s tempting to conclude that every young person is at risk of becoming a narcissist but I’d like to stand up for the thousands of young kids I have worked with who are caring, thoughtful and humble – even when they use their strengths.
“每个年轻人都有风险会变成自恋狂。”这种说法很有市场。但我要站出来，为和我一起工作的上千的年轻人发声。他们善于表现自己的能力，但他们同时也很热心，很体贴，很谦虚。
Prof Jean Twenge from San Diego State University, an expert on narcissism, points out that narcissism is a distinct from the concept of self-esteem. Being a strength-based parent is not about indulging your child in grandiosity, it’s about connecting to them to what it is really inside of them, their inherent talents and qualities.
圣迭戈州立大学的珍·温格教授是研究自恋癖的专家。她指出，自恋癖和自信是两个不同的概念。成为一个鼓励孩子表现能力的父母不是要让孩子沉浸在自夸中，而是要让他们了解到自己的内在，自己的才华和品德。
Nor is strength-based parenting about ignoring a child’s weaknesses or problem behaviour. Indeed, the solid self-identity that comes through strength-based parenting gives children the sturdy foundation needed to acknowledge and address their weak spots because they know that their parent is seeing their strengths.
一个鼓励孩子表现能力的父母也不意味着要让孩子忽略掉自己的弱点和坏习惯。事实上，自信育儿法给孩子带来的可靠的自我认识，能让孩子认识并说出自己的弱点，因为他们已经知道自己的父母能看到他们的能力。
In other words, their strengths are not overly inflated and their weaknesses are not ignored – this is pretty much the opposite of narcissism.
换句话说，孩子的能力没有被夸大，而他们的缺点也没有被忽视。这和基本自恋的定义相反。
