If steroids and other peformance enhancing drugs are illegal for athletes... Then photoshop should be illegal for models
如果运动员服用类固醇等其他兴奋剂是违法的话...
那模特使用Photoshop为什么就不违法？
——Rattler
They say one in every four men is gay, so there must be one in my group of friends.
I hope it's - he's super cute.
他们说每四个男人里就有一个是同性恋，所以我的朋友们里一定有一个。
我希望是Michael——他爆炸可爱惹。
——Rajneeshpuram
My wife and I argued like fuck about our holidays. She wanted to go to Venice and I wanted to go to Benidorm with the lads.
Anyway it's settled now, I'm off to Benidorm with the lads, and she's off to a battered wives hostel.
我和妻子为去哪里旅行大吵了一架。她想去威尼斯，而我想和兄弟们去西班牙的贝尼多姆。
总之现在已经定下来了，我和兄弟们去了贝尼多姆，她去了受家暴女性庇护所。
——KIMJONGTRUMP
It must be great being a Korean in this hot weather.
You can take your dog to work and let it slow cook in the car till dinner time.
在这样炎热的天气里，韩国人一定非常幸福。
你可以带着狗去上班，然后让它在车上慢慢变熟，等到晚上就可以直接吃了。
——KIMJONGTRUMP
A nurse in a mental institution goes to check Charlie, one of the inmates, she finds him sat up in bed pretending to drive a car.
She asks "Are you okay Charlie"?
Charlie replies " I can't talk right now,I'm busy driving to London for a meeting"
So the nurse closes the door and goes to check on Bob in the next room.
She finds Bob sat up in his bed wanking furiously.
"Bob, what are you doing "? asks the nurse.
Bob replies "I'm fucking Charlie's wife, he's gone to London for a meeting"
精神病院里，一名护士去检视一名病人——Dave，她发现他坐在床上假装开车。
她问“你还好吗Dave？”
Dave回答说：“我现在没时间闲聊，我正忙着开车去西班牙的贝尼多姆。”
于是护士关上门，去隔壁房间看鲍勃。
她发现鲍勃坐在床上疯狂地打飞机。
“鲍勃，你在做什么？”护士问道。
鲍勃回复说：“我在操Dave的媳妇啊，他去西班牙了。”
——Ramsbottom（#小修改）
意大利的水龙头
“我们更新了隐私政策：您在使用我们的服务时，我们可能会收集和使用您的少许相关信息。”——_youhadonejob1
黑客：OK让我们通过他的前置摄像头看看他在干什么？
黑客：……WTF? 他怎么一直在哭啊。
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer
我和癌症的区别是什么？
我爸爸没能打倒癌症。
——begonethot__
Cellphones would have saved Romeo and Juliet.
手机本可以救下罗密欧和朱丽叶。
——AdamWestsButtDouble
@邪苏：可是手机没有救！抵制手机！
@江畔雁丿：手机真的太坏了，怎么能见死不救
Surgery is stabbing someone to life
做手术就是把一个人捅活。
——xiph209
Plugging your phone into a shitty charger is kind of like Schrödinger’s cat. You want to check to see if it’s charging but you are worried that if you touch the phone it might stop charging.
用一个不太好使的充电器给手机充电有点像是薛定谔的猫。你又想看看它有没有充上、又害怕碰到手机会停止充电。
——HMSSurpriseButtSex
翻译：荒野／编辑：欣圆／监督：诺北
