孩子总能找到方法网上看片，家长应该怎么应对？前段时间，一些家长看到小学性教育课本，认为尺度过大。似乎不谈及性，孩子就能自己逐渐领悟什么是性。《连线》杂志对话Peggy Orenstein，聊聊关于如何和孩子沟通看片这件事。（黑体加粗部分为《连线》
记者
提问）
发现孩子看片，你该怎么办？
作者：Sarah Fallon
译者：王乐颖
校对：陈怡蓓
策划：朱雨晴
Your Kids Will Look at Internet Porn. Deal With It
你的孩子也会上网看片，家长怎么办？
本文选自
Wired
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Visitors to Pornhub, the largest porn site on the Internet, watched about 92 billion sexytime videos last year. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But I have two young sons; I don’t want them to end up incapable of being aroused by an in-the-flesh human because their first encounter with sex was a clip of a porpoise-pudenda’d MILF getting jackhammered. So I called Peggy Orenstein. The author of Girls & Sex and Cinderella Ate My Daughter is currently working on a book about boys, masculinity, sex, love—and yes, porn. As part of her research, she’s interviewing high school– and college-age males across the country. I needed her counsel.
去年，最大色情网站Pornhub上用户观看视频次数达920亿。不是说这有什么不好，但我有两个年纪尚幼的孩子，我不希望他们初次的性经历是看了性感熟女活塞运动的视频，从而让他们对真人失去兴致。所以我给佩吉·奥任斯坦打了电话，她曾写过《女孩与性》以及《灰姑娘吃了我的女儿》，最近正在写一本关于男孩、男子气概、性和爱的书，当然，话题也包括色情片。作为研究的一部分，她正在全国各地采访高中到大学年龄段的男性。而我，需要她的建议。
WIRED: Are all the kids watching it?
连线：所有的孩子都会看片吗？
The first thing I recognized when I started working on the new book was that the question to ask boys is not whether or if they watch porn. The question is, when was the first time they saw it? The most typical answer I get is 11, sometimes 13, sometimes younger.
当我开始写这本新书的时候，首先意识到的是，问题不在于男生到底看不看片，而是他们几岁开始看。通常我得到的回答是11岁，有时是13岁，有时候更小。
How do they come across it?
他们是怎么开始接触色情片的？
Sometimes they felt they needed to know what people were talking about, or an older boy had said, “Hey, look at this.” Boys will say things to me like “When I was 11, I looked up ‘big boobies.’” With just a couple of clicks, that search can lead them to images or videos they’re not prepared to understand or process. What I always say to parents is, if you’ve never gone on Pornhub to see what is there for free—on the opening page—then you have no idea what we’re talking about.
有的是因为他们觉得得知道别人在聊什么，有时候则是大一点的男孩说，“快，看这个！”男生会告诉我，“我11岁的时候就搜索了’巨乳’。”只要轻点几下鼠标，就会被引向那些他们尚不能理解也不知如何消化的图片或视频。我常常对家长们说，如果你从没上过Pornhub，没了解过公开网站上可以看到什么，你就不知道我们在说什么。
What’s the effect on those boys?
黄片对孩子们有什么影响？
Research suggests a positive correlation between heterosexual guys who look at porn regularly and those who support same-sex marriage.
研究显示定期观看色情片的直男也会支持同性婚姻。
Great!
真棒！
Ah, but they’re also less likely to support affirmative action for women. And among young men, exposure to porn has been correlated with seeing sex as purely physical, regarding girls as playthings, and measuring their masculinity and their self-worth by their ability to score with hot women.
不过，他们不太支持妇女平权运动。而且，年轻男性看太多黄片会让他们觉得“性”纯粹是肉欲，他们会把女孩当成玩物，也会把与性感女性亲密的能力当成衡量阳刚之气和自身价值的标准。
And one study suggests that female porn viewers are less likely than other women to intervene if they see another woman being threatened or assaulted.
另外，有研究显示，与普通女性相比，观看色情片的女性在看到其它女性被威胁或侵犯时，进行干预的可能性更低。
See, this is why I want to craft a porn ecosystem that allows nothing but positive, friendly porn between realistic-looking people. Nothing with dogs or sex machines. All consensual and preferably partially clothed. And make it so my kids’ phones and computers can go there and no other porn sites.
所以，我希望设计一个色情片生态系统，只存在真实的，人与人之间，正面、友好的色情内容，而不是和狗或者性用具相关的色情。所有的行为都出于自愿，某些部位最好有衣服覆盖。如此一来，我孩子的手机和电脑就可以访问这些，而不是其它的色情网站。
There’s something weird about curating your sons’ porn.
当自家儿子黄片的管理员有点怪。
Fair enough.
好吧
Instead, think of the long game. What is it you want for your child? What kind of intimate relationships do you want your sons to have (or be capable of having)? What will help or undermine that?
但是，我们要放眼长远。你对自家孩子有什么期待？你希望他们的亲密关系是什么样的（或者能获得什么样关系）？什么会帮助他们，或妨碍他们？
I could just keep them off the internet entirely or set the parental controls to supermax levels of security.
我可以让他们完全与“网”隔绝，或对电脑设置家长控制，把安全性级别提到最高。
I just got a text from a friend who said her children managed to end-run around Moment, an app that tracks how much you use your phone and how much time you’re spending on which apps. It’s an ongoing cat-and-mouse game: Websites and social media are trying to get your kid to stay on, and you’re trying to get your kid to stay off.
我刚刚收到一个朋友的消息，说她的孩子能成功地绕过Moment，这个应用能记录手机使用行为和每个应用的使用时长。这是一场永不停歇的猫鼠游戏：网站和社交媒体想方设法留住你的孩子，你则绞尽脑汁让孩子远离网络。
You mean … I just have to talk to them about … pornography?
你的意思是……我只能和他们讨论……黄片了？
Yep. It’s bizarre to me that because of our own squeamishness, we’re unable to engage with our children. The result is that we allow them to be educated by a culture that, at best, does not have their well-being at heart.
没错。对我来说，家长扭扭捏捏不敢和亲生骨肉讨论“性”，是很奇怪的。后果就是，我们放任自己的孩子通过另一种方式来获知这一切，用最客气的方式来形容那也是一种完全不替孩子考虑的文化。
You know, some people are cool with their kids’ ideas about femininity and girlhood being shaped by Disney. Some people aren’t. Some people may be cool with their kids’ sexuality being shaped or influenced by porn, having it colonize their imaginations. And some people may not be—not because they’re anti-sex but because they’re pro-sex.
