Lonliness是一种病，当你感觉自己是一个lonely的人时，你生病了，你这个时候需要的是药方啊！这个药方是什么？是人群，是喧闹，是有人陪着你，或者说是社交。对于一个lonely的人来说，社交是他最需要的。但是，在这里我也要非常冷酷的提醒大家：社交其实是非常廉价的。虽然对于很多大学生来说社交是很吸引人的：它意味着酒会，意味着精英，意味着优雅的微笑，意味着法式的问候。社交其实是很廉价的，为什么这么说呢？廉价并不代表他没有价值，它有价值，只是它的价值不高。
——《复旦大学陈果老师：孤独论》
孤独时分，幸福难觅
作者：Maggie Fergusson
译者：倪凌晖
校对：唐 萧
编辑：
唐 萧
In solitude what happiness?
孤独时分，幸福难觅
Loneliness is silent, invisible and as deadly as a smoking habit.
孤独是静寂的，无形的，和吸烟一样致命。
本文选自
1843
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Nothing about Rebecca’s life looks sad. She’s strikingly attractive and professionally successful. I met her in her comfortable split-level flat in Fulham, just after she had started a new job, another rung up the ladder of career and income. Four years ago, when she was 31, a long-term relationship that she had thought would lead to marriage came to a sudden end. She still looks wistfully over her shoulder, but at the same time desperately wants to settle down and have children before it’s too late. “Lots of people can’t understand why I’m lonely,” she says. “I’ve got a good job, a lovely family and lots of close friends. But most of them now are married and taken up with babies. I try to be happy for them, but there’s no one I can ring if I’ve had a bad day; there’s no one for whom I’m the most important one. Things like filling out forms make me feel acutely lonely. Who’s my
next of kin
? My dad.”
在外人看来，Rebecca的生活一点也不悲哀。她外形迷人，事业成功。我们是在她舒适的复式公寓里见的面。那时，她刚刚换了一份新工作/跳槽，升职加薪，好不快乐。四年前，31岁的她结束了一段爱情长跑。她本来以为这段恋情会修成正果，但最终却事与愿违。受了伤的她对于感情仍然提心吊胆，但同时，她又极其想找个人安顿下来，并且趁年轻生下宝宝。她说：“很多人都不能理解我为什么孤独。我有一份令人艳羡的工作，一个可爱的家庭以及许多密友。但是，我的大部分朋友都结婚生子了。我试着替他们开心。但是想想自己的境况，我做不到。生活不如意时，我没有人能打电话倾诉。也没有人把我放在那个最重要的位置。填写个人信息这样的事情更会让我感到异常孤独。猜猜我在
直系亲属
一栏填了谁？居然是我的父亲。”
next of kin
n. your closest living relative or relatives 直系亲属；最近亲
Rebecca has joined the 7m other people in Britain who are trying to find love through the internet. She reckons she’s been on at least 100 dates so far. Every time, she makes an effort – gets “frocked up” as Australians say – but it’s never yet been successful, and she travels home from each assignation feeling “more lonely than if I’d never tried”. Her
distaste
for the whole business is palpable. Still, faute de mieux, she
bash
es
on
.
Rebecca和其他七百万英国人一样，正试着通过网络寻找爱情。她说，她已经过至少约过100次会了。每次，她都尽力打扮自己，但是都没有牵手成功。每每约会完回家，她都感到“比之前更加孤独了”。她对约会平台的
厌恶
显而易见，但苦于没有更好的选择，只能
继续使用
它。
distaste
/dɪsˈteɪst/ noun ~ (for sb/ sth) a feeling that sb/ sth is unpleasant or offensive 不喜欢；反感；厌恶
bash on
to continue doing something that is difficult, boring or takes a long
“How does it feel?” I ask, as she opens her page on the Guardian Soulmates website (which shows that, to date, 1,305 people have viewed her and 356 people liked her).
我问“使用交友平台是种怎样的体验？”这时，她打开了自己在Guardian Soulmates上的主页，拿给我看：截止目前，有1305人阅览过她的主页，其中256个人对她点了“喜欢”。
“It feels pragmatic, and sad. I’m admitting, ‘I’m lonely, and I want to have a family’, and there’s a kind of shame in that.”
“它让我感觉非常有目的性，而且悲伤。我在承认自己很孤独，想要一个家庭。对此，我甚至觉得有点羞愧。”Rebecca说。
She takes me through the profiles of men who have recently joined the site, most with cheeky-chappy nick-names: Curbychup, FoodieGeoff, LieutenantGrey. She shows me how she’s built her own profile, presenting herself as a happy-go-lucky woman who’s well read and widely travelled. “There’s a loneliness in having to present yourself in a certain way, definitely. The distance between the image I give and the reality is getting wider and wider. But if I were to write the truth – that I’m lonely and worried I might not have a family – it would be just the most off-putting thing.”
她给我看了下最近刚刚使用这个网站的男士的资料。他们中大部分都取了很有挑逗性的名字：Curbychup, 吃货杰夫（FoodieGeoff）, 中校格雷（LieutenantGrey）。她给我看自己是怎么创建主页的；她把自己描述为一个随遇而安的女人，爱读书、爱旅游。“显然，当你填资料时，不得不将自己描述成一个特定的形象，这时你就会感到孤独。你会发现，现实中的自己和描述中的自己差得越来越远。但是，如果我把真实的情况写下来，那这可能会变成最不吸引人的个人介绍了：我很孤独，并担心自己会孤独终生。”
“So people think of loneliness almost as an infectious disease?”
“所以，人们把孤独视为传染病，避而远之？”
“Yup. Something like that. Most people find it very, very unattractive.”
“是的，类似的一些东西吧。大部分人认为孤独的人非常没有吸引力。”
“Does anyone on the Guardian site ever admit to loneliness in their profile?”
“在这个约会平台上，有没有人在自己的资料里承认自己很孤独？”
“NEVER!”
“没有！”
“Are you sure?”
“你确定？”
Rebecca taps the word “lonely” into the search box that allows you to seek out potential partners with particular qualities – Hindi speakers, Old Etonians.
Rebecca把“孤独”打入搜索框。通过这个搜索工具，你可以找到符合特定条件的对象，比如“会说印地语的人”或“
伊顿佬
”。
译者注：伊顿公学的校友都被称为“伊顿佬” （Old Etonians），包括前首相戴维·卡梅伦。
