上周六，《“高知女性”相亲记（上篇）》在我们的读者中引发了不少的讨论。今天，我们再来看看在下篇中作者又说了什么~
“高知女性”相亲记：
脸上笑眯眯，心里mmp（下篇）
作者：ROSEANN LAKE
译者：倪凌晖
校对：刘 璠
编辑：倪凌晖
A wife less ordinary
不再平凡的妻子们
本文选自 1843 | 取经号原创翻译
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June’s mother is well aware that the qualities that make her daughter appealing to prospective employers are intimidating to prospective mates, so she is trying to render her more wifely in the eyes of suitors. “Whatever you do, don’t get physical!” she says. Far from being a histrionic, modern- day Mrs Bennett, June’s mum is a practical dating coach. “After you reject a man physically, you need to lavish him with praise,” she instructs her daughter.
June的母亲非常清楚，那些在雇主们看来十分具有吸引力的特质反而会吓跑女儿的相亲对象，因此她一直试图让June在相亲对象面前表现得更加贤妻良母一点。她说：“无论你做什么，绝对不要有身体接触！” June的母亲绝不是那位造作的班纳特太太的现代版。她其实是一位务实派的相亲教练。她教导June说：“当你拒绝一位男士时，你要不吝赞美之词地褒扬他。”
（译者注：班纳特太太是《傲慢与偏见》中的一个人物。因为一直没有生儿子，在那个社会里会失去财产，所以她变成了一个急于找有钱人嫁女儿的妇人。）
As a young girl June didn’t realise that her educational pursuits would affect her romantic prospects. She grew up with few examples of what dating should look like. After so many years of relationships being brokered, the mores and manners of modern courtship in China are still being established. As most people date with the purpose of finding a marriage partner, relationship culture is stifled because too many people have a stake in the outcome. Most of the blind dates June goes on are completely devoid of romance. “They’re like business meetings,” she says. “It’s not uncommon to talk about marriage on the first date, though physically, it’s imperative for things to move much slower. There’s lots of nodding and absolutely no touching.”
年轻时，June从来没有想过自己对学业的追求会成为她爱情道路上的绊脚石。在成长过程中，并没有人告诉她应当如何去约会。在中国，恋爱关系一直都是具有协议性质的。现代恋爱中的习惯与礼仪仍然需要慢慢培养。由于大部分人恋爱的目的是为了寻找结婚对象，恋爱文化在中国就很难形成。因为太多人带着太强的目的性去恋爱了。June参加过的大部分相亲都毫无浪漫可言。她说：“这就像是商务会面。常常是第一次见面就会谈婚论嫁，但实际上，事情一定不可能发展得那么快。我感觉自己不停地在点头，却没有任何肢体接触。”
In most countries where more women get university degrees than men, the prevalence of hypergamy – women marrying “up” a social class – tends to diminish over time. A group of demographers from Barcelona, who gathered data for 56 countries spanning a period from 1968 to 2009, found that in the early period of their study it was more common for women to marry “up”. But by 2000 trends had changed drastically: in half of the countries for which they had data, a majority of women were married to men with less schooling than themselves.
在大多数女性获得大学学位的人数高于男性的国家中，曾经十分普遍的女性“高嫁”（即嫁入比自己所在的社会阶层高的社会阶层）的现象会逐渐消失。巴塞罗那的人口学家们收集了56个国家从1968年到2009年间的数据。早期数据显示，女性通过婚姻提高社会阶层是相当普遍的。但是，到了2000年，这一趋势发生了急剧的转变：在一半的国家，大部分女性嫁给了比自己学历低的男性。
Paternalistic China is a flagrant exception to this trend. It is a sign of female empowerment that some women now remain single, either because they do not wish to wed or because they have not found someone they like enough. For the first time in China’s history a large number of women has the money and status to forgo marriage willingly. Yet accomplished women such as June who do wish to find a partner often face an apparently insurmountable wall of conservative values.
然而，在家长作风盛行的中国，情况却没有得到改善。一些女性一直保持着单身，或许是因为她们并不想结婚，或许是因为她们还没有找到自己足够喜欢的另一半。这是中国女权崛起的象征。中国有史以来头一次出现那么多有足够的财富和社会地位的女性放弃结婚。但是，对像June这样事业有成，而且想结婚的女性来说，摆在她们面前的是一面保守的、不可逾越的价值观的高墙。
In an effort to make the men they are dating feel honoured and respected, educated women often find themselves playing down their smarts. June says she switches between two distinct modes, Chinese girl or overseas returnee with an Ivy League degree. Her friends tell her that is not enough: she needs to be versed in the ancient art of sajiao, or the strategically executed temper tantrum, an indispensable element in the dating arsenal of every Chinese woman.
为了让相亲对象感受到尊重，“高知女性”常常觉得自己在装蠢。June说，她可以在两个完全不同的角色中来回切换，一会儿是中国传统女孩，一会儿又是拥有常春藤学历的海归。但是，她的朋友告诉她，仅仅这样是不够的。她需要掌握中国女性的传统艺术——撒娇，即“有战略性地”耍耍小性子。这可是每位中国女生约会的必备“技能”。
“A woman who knows how to sajiao knows how to make a man happy,” declared an article in the Chinese edition of Psychologies magazine in 2012. Sajiao involves pouting, mewling and the stomping of feet. That doesn’t sound attractive. Yet in a rapidly changing social and economic environment, it has become a critical skill for maintaining a sense of continuity and order in gender relations by helping a Chinese man feel loved, honoured, chivalrous and, above all, manly.
2012年，中国版《心理学》杂志中有这么一句话：“懂得撒娇的女人懂得如何哄男人开心。”撒娇包含着一系列动作——撅嘴、呜咽和跺脚。听上去似乎不怎么吸引人，但是，在如今这个社会和经济都快速变化的环境中，撒娇已经变成了维持两性关系延续性和有序性的关键技能。它能让中国男人觉得自己被爱着、被尊重着，感觉自己对女人是多么有风度，最重要的是，感觉自己非常有男子气概。
“For the competent career woman, sajiao is an indispensable tool for appearing neither too independent nor too self-sufficient for her boyfriend,” says another Chinese magazine article. “Sajiao allows her to appear soft and feminine rather than hard and powerful, traits that challenge traditional notions of womanhood. By playing up to the male ego, she accomplishes the near- impossible: making her man feel like a man.”
此外，一本中国杂志这样写道，“对于那些能干的职业女性来说，撒娇能让她们在男朋友面前表现得不那么独立。撒娇能让她们隐藏坚强有力的一面，表现自己温柔有女人味的一面。“坚强有力”这样的特质和中国社会对女性的传统观念是相抵触的。通过提升男人的自尊，她们完成了一项几乎不可能完成的任务：让男人感到自己有男子气概。”
In the 1940s American women were given remarkably similar advice: “Warning!...Be careful not to seem smarter than your man,” instructed one self-help book. “It’s one thing to be almost as smart, but to be or seem smarter – that is taboo.” Yet post-war America had a huge shortage of men, whereas China has 33m more men than women. So why, given the reversed demographic equation, are Chinese women still “playing along”?
在上世纪四十年代，美国女性也听到过极为类似的建议。“注意了！千万不要在你的男人面前表现得比他聪明。你可以和他一样聪明，但是你要是比他更聪明，或者表现得比他更聪明的话，那你就犯了大忌了。”这段话出自那个年代的一本自助类书籍。这种现象是由当时美国社会的现实造成的——战后，美国男性出现短缺。但在中国，男性要比女性多出整整3300万人。在男多女少的情况下，中国女性为什么还要继续表现得如此卑躬屈膝呢？
Professor Hu Deng, who teaches emotional psychology at the prestigious Renmin University in Beijing, considers himself an expert in romantic relationships. Compared with most professors, he is quite progressive in both subject matter and views. He speaks uninhibitedly in class about the transactional marriages of revolutionary China and warns students that mates chosen by parents or grandparents rarely lead to true love. When it comes to the art of the sajiao, however, the professor is more conservative. “If a Chinese woman today doesn’t know how to sajiao, it’s very unlikely that she’ll find a boyfriend,” he says.
在中国人民大学教授感情心理学的胡邓教授自认是恋爱专家。和大多数教授相比，他在题材和观点上都相当前沿。他会在课堂上毫无顾忌地谈论中国革命时代的婚姻交易问题，并且警告学生，由父母或祖父母挑选出来的对象鲜有真爱。对于撒娇，他却表现得较为保守。他说：“如果一个现代中国女性不会撒娇的话，那她很可能找不到男朋友。”
In the current competitive environment, the pressures on Chinese men are great. The skewed sex ratio means they must show to prospective mates that they are excelling. Although wealth and opportunities have risen overall, for many people jobs and livelihoods are more unstable today than they were a generation ago. And in a lot of cities property prices have risen faster than wages. In Beijing and Shanghai buying a home may involve spending over 20 times the average annual wage.
在当下的竞争环境中，中国男性所承担的压力极大。性别比例失调的社会现实迫使他们需要向合适的结婚对象展现自己的实力。尽管中国社会的整体财富和机会都有所上升，但许多人的工作和生计都不再像上一代那么稳定。在很多城市，房价的上涨速度远超薪资上涨的速度。一套北京或上海的房子的价格相当于平均年薪的20倍。
At a time when many men have been left floundering and feeling inadequate, a woman who can step in and artfully make a man feel esteemed, needed and admired may help compensate for the lack of such feelings in the wider world of work or society, says Hu. So, he reckons, behaviour such as the strategically executed temper tantrum has become a “fix” for other flaws, perceived injustices and inequalities in the Chinese social system. The Chinese Communist Party has, if anything, promoted the revival of traditional values, compelling educated women to make men feel manly by behaving like children. It takes a conservative view that the family is a stabilising force in a time of rapid economic change.
胡教授表示，当下，众多男性处于困顿之中，感到自己软弱无力。在社会和职场中，他们感受不到自己被尊重、被需要和被崇拜。这时，他们需要一位能够巧妙地填补这部分心理空缺的女性。所以，胡教授认为，像撒娇这样的行为“修正”了人们在社会体系中感受到的不公正与不平等。当前，CPC提倡中国传统价值的回归，鼓励受过教育的女性表现得像个孩子，以此来让男性重拾男子气概。保守观念认为，在经济快速增长的时期，家庭可以起到稳定社会的作用。
So, in contrast to other countries where investment in higher education has often been accompanied by greater individual freedoms and a questioning of prevailing attitudes, in China a complex mix of politics, philosophy and economics has left accomplished women like June play-acting to find a spouse.
在其他国家，教育支出越多，个人自由常常会随之上升，人民也会更多地去质疑主流观念。但在中国，由于受到政治、哲学和经济的影响，像June这样的杰出女性只能通过假装自己是个小女人来寻找伴侣。
Despite her worldly outlook, June seems convinced of the need to perform. “I spent time over the weekend with some of my old friends from high school, and they all told me I don’t have a boyfriend because I don’t know how to sajiao,” she says. The problem is that, even after watching an online tutorial for how to sajiao your way to dinner at your favourite restaurant, she simply cannot master the art of feigning subservience.
尽管June有着国际视野，但她似乎很确定自己需要假装成一个小女人才能找到对象。她说：“周末，我和从高中时就认识的老朋友聚了下。她们全都对我说，我之所以没有男朋友是因为我不懂得怎么撒娇。”但问题是，即使看了线上撒娇指南：怎样通过撒娇让你的男朋友带你去最爱的餐厅吃饭，June还是学不来这一套。
Given the centrality of marriage in China, there are plenty of services to help women improve their dating skills. Sajiao isn’t going to get June anywhere, but a seduction master class with one of Beijing’s most beguiling sirens sounds more promising.
鉴于婚姻在中国社会的核心地位，市面上推出了许多专门教女性提高约会技巧的服务。对于June来说，撒娇是没戏了。但是，她可以去上魅力大师班，讲师是全北京最有魅力的女性之一。
Ivy is her guide. Though only 27, Ivy gives the impression of a life already well lived. A Cartier watch encircles Ivy’s wrist, a Dior bag dangles from her forearm, Chanel earrings illuminate her ears, a cashmere Burberry coat is cinched around her waist and Louis Vuitton patent shoes with small golden bows adorn her feet. She is a veritable pageant of luxury branding, and yet somehow – shockingly – it’s all been put together rather tastefully.
Ivy是她的“引路人”。年仅27岁的她看起来生活相当富足。用的是卡地亚表，提的是迪奥包，戴的是香奈儿耳环，山羊绒巴宝莉外套裹紧腰肢，脚上是点缀着金色小蝴蝶结的LV皮鞋。十足一个行走的奢侈品牌时装大秀。但是，不知怎么的，尽管浑身名牌，这样的穿搭还是显得相当有品味。
“In the eyes of many Chinese men, a beautiful girl can only be beautiful so long as she’s useless and completely lost and destroyed without a man supporting her,” she says, sitting down to Hong Kong-style sweets at a small café near her apartment, surrounded by purple-velvet furniture, endless mirrors and swirling chandeliers. “And a smart girl can only be smart so long as she isn’t too beautiful to be taken seriously,” she adds. As for a smart, beautiful woman? That, Ivy proudly proclaims, is a mistress.
Ivy坐在离家不远的一家小咖啡吧里，吃着港式甜点，周围是紫色的丝绒家居，镜子和旋转式的枝形吊灯环绕着她们。她说：“在许多中国男人看来，如果你是一个漂亮姑娘，那你的美丽就在于你是不是无助，是不是没了男人你就会迷失和毁灭。如果你是一个智慧型姑娘，那你一定不能太漂亮，不然没人会把你当回事。”那如果是兼具智慧与美丽的姑娘呢？Ivy自豪地称，那她只能是一位情妇。
Ivy is certainly beautiful, though probably not considered “wifely” or “doting” by Chinese standards. She smokes with vigour: right after exhaling she re-inhales with force the very air she has just expelled. When a waiter comes over and politely asks her to put out her cigarette, she dismisses him coldly by saying that it’s late, she knows the owner, there’s nobody else in the café and she isn’t bothering a soul. Seconds after she tells him to go away, she summons him back to bring her an ashtray. (She had previously been stubbing out her cigarettes in a bowl of fragrant rice.)
Ivy当然属于漂亮女人的范畴。但是，她不是中国传统文化认可的贤妻型，也不是那种对丈夫死心塌地的女人。她用力吸了口烟，就在她刚把烟吐出来之后，又马上将它们全部吸了回去。服务员走过来，礼貌地劝她把烟灭掉，结果被她冷冷地打发走了。她说：“都这么晚了，咖啡吧又没其他人，我抽烟根本没打扰到谁。而且我认识你们老板。”刚刚把服务员打发走，她又马上把他叫了回来，叫他去拿个烟灰缸过来。（她之前把烟蒂掐灭在了一碗香米饭里。）
She turns sweetly to June to resume the conversation. June had recently been on a few dates with a man her mother had chatted up on a dating site by posing as her. He is a lieutenant in the military, in his mid-30s, doing well in his career but a bit square and prone to sharp mood swings. But she hesitated to break things off with him, worried not about his feelings but her mother’s.
Ivy紧接着又转向了June，恢复了甜美的样子，继续和她聊天。June最近和一个男士约过几次会。一开始，June的妈妈在相亲软件上假装是June和他聊天。他是军队里的军官，35岁左右，事业成功，但有点古板，而且容易发脾气。June有点犹豫要不要拒绝他，倒不是担心他，而是担心她妈妈会接受不了。
“I can’t say he’s unattractive, she’ll just say that won’t matter in ten years,” she says. “I also can’t say there’s no chemistry or she’ll just say I’m being shallow. In her eyes, all problems fade away with time.” It had taken four more dates for June to come up with a reason her family might accept: that she found him both aggressive and needy. Her mother still won’t let her off the hook. “He’s trying to make a good impression,” she says. “It’s normal that he’s struggling to hide his true feelings!”
June说：“我不能告诉妈妈说这男人没什么吸引力，不然她就会说，十年以后这些都不是事儿。我也不能说我和他之间没什么化学反应，不然她又会说我太肤浅了。在我妈妈眼里，所有问题都会随着时间消失。后来，June又和这个军官见过四次，总算找到了一个可以让家里人接受的理由：他太过激进，又太没自信了。但是，就算这样，June的母亲仍然劝她和这个军官在一起。她说：“他想给你留个好印象。他努力想要把自己的真实感受隐藏起来。这很正常。”
Listening to this, Ivy’s diagnosis of June’s main problem returns to familiar territory: she is not a hua ping or “flower vase”, as many men in China like their women to be. She is beautiful but also self-assured in a way that Chinese men don’t always appreciate.
听了June的叙述，Ivy判断，June的问题在于：她不是一个花瓶。但花瓶恰恰是许多中国男人想要的。June很漂亮，而且很有自信，但中国男人并不总是能够欣赏这种自信。
In a sign that the class is ending, Ivy shares the bawdy details of her latest tryst with a wealthy real-estate mogul. She pauses for a few moments before explaining that although she has been generously compensated for her services, her line of work is also exhausting. “I will retire soon,” she says. By “retire”, she actually meant that she planned to get married: “I’ll start looking for a husband in the spring.” Ivy explains that, like many mistresses, she has made wise investments for her future in the knowledge that her market value as the “other woman” will tank the older she gets. But she doesn’t want to be dependent on mistressing for her livelihood: this was just her first step to a better life. Like June, she is approaching the age at which she either gets hitched or is left on the shelf.
课程最后，Ivy分享了自己和一位房地产大亨幽会时“不可描述的”细节。她暂停了一下，接着说：“尽管我提供的服务为我带来了不错的收入，但这个行当真的相当累人。我马上就要退休了。”退休在这里的意思实际是指结婚。Ivy说：“今年春天，我要开始找老公了。”她明白，作为一名情妇，年纪越大，市场价值就越低。所以她和许多情妇一样，为自己的未来做了投资。但是，她也不想一直当小三。这只是她提高自己生活水平的第一步。和June一样，她也快到“再不嫁就嫁不出去”的年纪了。
For Chinese women like Ivy, who has none of June’s educational and family background, marriage can be an express elevator to a better life. From a modest family in the second-tier city of Chongqing, Ivy relied on her striking looks and talent for the arts to get into one of Beijing’s best drama schools. Yet realising that she had a greater aptitude for business than for the big screen, she began working in distribution for film and TV shows after graduating. Attending
star-studded
film
premieres
and brokering deals for industry
fat cat
s
, she began moving in social circles quite distinct from the one she was born into.
对于许多像Ivy一样的女性来说，她们并没有和June一样良好的教育和家庭背景，婚姻成为了她们快速提升自己生活水平的通道。来自于中国二线城市重庆、出生于一般家庭的她，依靠自己的美貌和艺术才能考入了北京最好的戏剧院校。但是，她意识到自己的商业天赋要高于表演天赋，所以毕业后开始从事电影和电视剧的发行工作。她参加
明星云集的
电影首映礼
，和影视圈的
大亨们
进行商务洽谈，踏入了与自己的出生完全不同的社交圈。
star-studded
adj. including many famous performers 明星荟萃的
premiere
/ˈpremieə(r); NAmE prɪˈmɪr ; -ˈmjɪr / noun the first public performance of a film/ movie or play （电影、戏剧的）首次公演，首映
fat ca
t
noun (informal, disapproving) a person who earns, or who has, a lot of money (especially when compared to people who do not earn so much) 大亨；阔老
Profitable work started to roll in – supplemented by her escapades with moneyed and often married men – and, in an industry where appearances are everything, she was finally able to dress the part, accessorising with designer handbags and a glittering white Porsche Carrera. Now that she has achieved a significantly better life for herself and her parents, it is time to think about the bigger picture. But as with June, socially imposed timelines often
eclipse
individual desire.
通过游走在有钱、且大部分是已婚的男士之间，回报丰厚的工作纷至沓来。在这个外表为王的行业里，她终于能够穿上那些奢侈品牌，带上名牌手提袋，开上闪闪发光的白色保时捷卡雷拉了。她让自己和父母的生活都得到了显著的提高。如今，是时候考虑更大的图景了。然而，和June一样，Ivy个人的想法在整个社会加诸在女性身上的时间线面前，常常显得
不堪一击
。
eclips
e
/ɪˈklɪps/ verb to make sb/ sth seem dull or unimportant by comparison 使失色；使相形见绌；使丧失重要性
“Do you worry about fidelity with your future husband?” asks June, the ever-
inquisitive
student. “He will cheat,” says Ivy. “Men of status always do. The trick is finding one who will be
