研究显示，低于30岁的妈妈中超过80%有时会感到孤独，而超过40%的人会经常或总是感到孤独。
别告诉我你看不出新手妈咪的孤独
作者：
Nell Frizzell
译者：王津雨 & 邵海灵
校对：徐嘉茵
策划：邹世昌
As a new mum, I know loneliness cuts deep – and the lack of services for parent and child plays a large part in this.
作为一个新晋宝妈，我知道孤独的滋味是刻骨铭心的——母婴服务的匮乏是造成这一状况的主要原因。
本文选自
the Guardian
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It is the strange lot of young mothers to be never alone, but often lonely. You may have a baby stuck limpet-like to your breast, hip or lap, but for many women, particularly those heroic superbeings we call single mothers, loneliness stalks the days like a tiger.
许多年轻妈妈都不是孤身一人，却经常感到孤独，这是很奇怪的。也许你有一个吸盘一样牢牢贴在你胸膛、臀部或大腿上的宝宝，但对许多女性——尤其是那些我们称之为单身妈妈的超级英雄来说——孤独如同潜藏的猛兽，每天都对她们虎视眈眈。
According to new research by the British Red Cross and the Co-op, over 80% of mums under 30 feel lonely some of the time, while over 40% are lonely often or always.
根据英国红十字会和Co-op集团的最新研究结果，低于30岁的妈妈中超过80%有时会感到孤独，而超过40%的人会经常或总是感到孤独。
Of course they are. When you’re earning just £20.70 a week in child benefit; when you have to sit in a dark room every couple of hours in order to tempt some food into an overstimulated child; when your family are at work; when you are still knitting your body back together after childbirth; when your friends don’t know how to change a nappy and you can’t afford a babysitter; when your partner is too tired to talk to you after a day at work; when you’re too shy to walk up to pram-pushing strangers in the street; when a place at nursery costs as much as your rent; when the local library has closed down; when you’ve had no sleep and have lost your nerve – of course you stay at home. Of course you get lonely.
她们当然孤独了。当你每周只能拿到20.70英镑的儿童福利金时；当你不得不每隔几小时就要坐进一个昏暗的房间，只为哄一个兴奋过头的孩子吃上几口东西时；当你的家人都在工作时；当你从分娩后一直在试图收回体形时；当你的朋友不知道怎么帮忙换尿布、你又雇不起保姆时；当你的伴侣在一天工作之后累到不和你交谈时；当你因为害羞而不敢在大街上跟其他推着婴儿车的陌生人攀谈时；当托儿所的费用和你的房租一样贵时；当本地图书馆已关门时；当你既失眠又变得胆怯时——你当然只好待在家里。所以你当然会感到孤独。
Yet it feels somehow taboo to admit to loneliness when you’re in the constant company of your own child. Mothers are somehow assumed to need no more stimulation than to stare adoringly into the wet eyes of their baby from birth: the amusement of a hiccup or an unexpected mid-air wee should be substitute enough for adult conversation; the feel of a chubby hand around your finger should wipe away any interest in your friends, sharing anecdotes, going on holiday, resting your head on another person’s shoulder, talking about your day …
然而，如果你一直有孩子陪伴在身边，还要承认自己很孤独，这总令人感到有些难以启齿。不知怎么回事，人们都认为，自从孩子出生后，妈妈们只要用慈爱的目光看着孩子湿润的眼睛，就能受到鼓舞，再不需要其他的激励手段了：孩子打嗝或出人意料向半空撒尿所带来的乐趣，足以取代成人之间的谈话；和朋友一起、分享轶事、去度假、把头枕到别人肩膀上、聊聊你一天的生活…… 只要有一只胖乎乎的小手握住你的手指，就能立时打消你对以上所有这些事情的兴趣。
Even for mothers, like me, who have approached child-rearing like the fermentation of a strong cheese, the hallmarks of loneliness still catch in my throat. The small plate of biscuits, drying out on a side table at 9am in desperate anticipation of your one visitor, who isn’t coming until 5pm when they knock off work; the too-long chats with the woman at the shop who politely asked your child’s age – and is the only person you’ve spoken to all day who didn’t have dribble on their chin. You can smell a new mother’s hunger for company like the tang of vinegar: a little too strong, a little too sour.
带孩子对我来说已经像发酵奶酪一样熟能生巧了，但即使像我这样的资深妈妈，孤独的种种印记也仍会让人如鲠在喉。烤好的一小盘饼干从上午9点就被晾在墙边的桌子上绝望地等待，可你唯一的访客得下午5点下班以后才能来；跟商店营业员尬聊了很久，只是因为对方礼节性地问了一句孩子多大了——她还是这一整天你说过话的人里头唯一下巴上没有挂着口水的。你简直能闻到新晋宝妈对陪伴的渴望，就像醋的强烈味道：有点太浓郁，也有点太酸涩。
How do you solve a problem like maternal loneliness? Well, we could stop making it financially prohibitive to continue the human race in this, one of the wealthiest countries in the world. The government could take some of that money we pour into defence every year and use it to subsidise nurseries, fund children’s centres, and pay a maternal allowance that a family could actually live on. In Germany parents get €194 a month – over £170 – in benefit for the first two children; parents can take leave from work while being able to return to a guaranteed job for up to three years; and childcare is better subsidised. In Britain, we would rather give tax breaks to millionaires than pay mothers to create a healthy nation.
产后孤独这样的问题应该怎么解决呢？首先，我们不应该让繁衍后代继续成为一个经济层面的难题，毕竟英国是全球最富裕的国家之一。政府应该把每年用于国防的资金取一部分出来补贴幼儿园和托儿所、支持幼儿中心的建设、给新晋妈妈支付生育补贴，好让这个家庭能够维持下去。在德国，生头两胎孩子的家长，每个月可以从政府得到194欧的补助——相当于170多法郎；家长最多可以停薪留职三年；婴幼儿护理也能得到更多的补贴。可是在英国，我们宁愿给百万富翁们减税，也不愿意给妈妈支付更多补贴，以培养健康的国民。
We could also do more to encourage women to build a support network before having a baby; if women had more paid time off, they could leave work more than a few days before giving birth, and therefore have time to adjust. That way they could meet other mothers-to-be in their area before they are tied to a crying, feeding dependent 24 hours a day. We could offer longer prenatal courses on the NHS, protect and expand NHS breastfeeding services, and create more children’s centres and
forest schools
. We could do the work early, rather than throwing new mothers to the wolves.
我们也能采取更多措施，以鼓励女性在生育之前建立一个扶持性的关系网。如果女性可以享受更长时间的带薪产假，就能早一点回家准备，从而有更多时间调整适应，而不是等到产前的几天才回家。这样，在她们被一个一天24小时哭闹不停喝奶不止的小娃娃完全缠住以前，还能跟附近社区里其他快要做妈妈的人打个照面。我们可以在英国公立医疗系统（NHS）上提供更长的产前辅导课程，保护并扩大NHS的母乳喂养服务，建立更多幼儿中心和
森林学校
。我们可以未雨绸缪，而不是把新手妈咪一脚踢进孤独的狼窝。
forest schools
：森林学校是户外教育的一种方式。在森林学校里，孩子（或成年人）通过参观森林或林地，学会独立、建立自尊、提升个人能力、掌握社交技巧和专业技能。
Half the women surveyed by the National Childbirth Trust last year reported that they experienced mental health or emotional difficulties at some time during pregnancy or in the year after birth. I would bet my spit-soaked shoulder that much of that is due, in part at least, to loneliness. Motherhood can be lonely for everyone, of course – but for the millions of British women on low or no incomes, living alone, trying to survive off food banks and uncertain benefits, without a job to return to or a support network to fall back on, the situation can appear desperate.
在国家生育基金会调查过的女性中，半数受访者表示她们在孕期或产后一年内经历过精神或情绪上的困难。我敢拿我被口水浸透的肩膀打赌，这其中很大一部分，或至少有一部分，要归咎于孤独。当然，做母亲对每个人来说都可能是孤独的——但是对于成千上万低收入或无收入的独居英国女性而言，如果只能靠食物救济和不确定的补贴金额挣扎求生，又没有一个可以回归的工作或可以依赖的援助体系，情况就近乎绝望了。
These women are growing our future; they have pushed a nation out of their bodies and into the world. It is now the government’s responsibility to nurture, shape and support that nation. If we have money for war, Brexit, business and a royal family, then we really should be able to find it for mums.
这些妇女正培养着英国的未来。她们所生的孩子要成为国民，走向世界。养育、塑造并扶持未来的国民，当然是政府的责任。如果我们有钱打仗、有钱退欧、有钱做生意、养活皇室成员，那我们真的应该也能拿出钱来帮助这些做母亲的人。
