英语美文|这或许是爱人最好的方式

The other day as I talked with a friend I recalled a story that I heard this summer． "Acompassionate person， seeing a butterfly struggling to free itself from its cocoon， and wanting to help， very gently loosened the filaments to form an opening． The butterfly was freed， emerged from the cocoon， and fluttered about but could not fly． What the compassionate person did not know was that only through the birth struggle can the wings grow strong enough for flight． Its shortened life was spent on the ground； it never knew freedom， never really lived．"

前几天和一位朋友闲聊时，我想起今年夏天听到的一个故事：“有个人很富有同情心，看到一只蝴蝶拼命挣扎想冲破茧的束缚，就帮了个忙，轻轻地解开茧丝使其露出一个缺口。蝴蝶得到解放，从茧中出来振翅欲飞，然而却飞不起来。这位富有同情心的人所不知道的是，只有经过挣扎破茧而出，翅膀才能变得强壮，可以飞翔。这只蝴蝶短暂的生命只能在地上度过了，它从未尝过自由的滋味，没有真正享受过生活。”

I call it learning to love with an open hand． It is a learning which has come slowly to me and has been wrought in the fires of pain and in the waters of patience． I am learning that I must free the one I love， for if I clutch or cling， try to control， I lose what I try to hold．

我把它叫做学会放爱一条生路。这个教训经历了痛苦的锻造和耐心的洗礼，我才逐渐认识到。我学会了必须给所爱的人自由，如果我抓得太紧、紧握不放、设法控制，结果可能会失去他们。

If I try to change someone I love because I feel I know how that person should be， I robhim or her of a precious right， the right to take responsibility for one's own life and choices and way of being． Whenever I impose my wish or want or try to exert power over another， I rob him or her of the full realization of growth and maturation． I limit and prevent by my act of possession， no matter how kind my intention．

如果我试图改变所爱的人，仅仅因为我觉得他/她应该这样，就等于是掠夺了他/她的一项珍贵的权利，即他/她对自己生命的责任权和生活方式的选择权。无论何时我把自己的意志和权力强加给别人，都会导致他/她无法完全成长和成熟。无论我的意图多么善良，我的控制行为还是限制和阻碍了他们。

I can limit and injure by the kindest acts of protection or concern． Over extended it can say to the other person more eloquently than words， "You are unable to care for yourself； I must take care of you because you are mine． I am responsible for you．"

即使保护或关心这种最善意的行为也会限制和伤害别人。“你无法照顾自己，我必须照顾你，因为你是我的，我要对你负责。”对别人说这么动人的语言远远超越了你的权力。

As I learn and practice more and more， I can say to the one I love： "I love you， I value you， I respect you and I trust that you have the strength to become all that it is possible for you to become — if I don't get in your way． I love you so much that I can set you free to walk beside me in joy and in sadness． I will share your tears but I will not ask you not to cry． I will respond to your needs． I will care and comfort you， but I will not hold you up when you can walk alone． I will stand ready to be with you in your grief and loneliness but I will not take it away from you． I will strive to listen to your meaning as well as your word， but I shall not always agree． Sometimes I will be angry and when I am， I will try to tell you openly so that I need not hate our differences or feel estranged． I can not always be with you or hear what you say for there are times when I must listen to myself and care for myself， and when that happens I will be as honest with you as I can be．"