They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

人们总是说，对的那个人一定会来，我觉得我的那个他在来的路上，一定是被卡车撞死了。

I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.

我还没有爱过，但我觉得应该跟看到服务员端来自己最喜欢的菜时那种心情差不多吧。

I’m not getting older. I am just becoming a classic.

我不是在变老，我在成为经典。

I’m so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.

我为我饿的时候说的所有话诚挚道歉。

Your age is the number of times you went around the sun.

你活了多少岁，就是绕着太阳转了多少圈哦。

You know that tinyly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

喜欢一个人的时候心里那种痒痒的感觉，你一定不陌生吧？那是——你的理智正在离开你的身体。

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

男人和女人永远都不会平等的，除非女人能顶着秃头和啤酒肚走上街，还觉得自己很性感。

I want to marry my bed.

都别拦着我，我只想嫁给我的床。

Newton’s third law of emotion: for every male action there is a female overreaction.

牛顿情感第三定律：男人每做出一个反应，就有一个女人会因此而过度反应。

You know when a person so hot you just wanna shake their mother’s hand and say well done.

当你看到一个超正的帅哥的时候，真的特别想跟他麻麻激情握手跟她说干得好有木有！

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

我太喜欢结婚了，能找到那个用余生来气他折腾他的人简直棒呆~

Relationship Status 感情状况：

Single 单身

In a relationship 恋爱中

Married 已婚

Engaged 订婚

Divorced 离婚

Waiting for a miracle 在等一个奇迹啊啊啊

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.

如果一个女人不开心，抱住她，赞美她有多美。如果她开始嚎叫，撤退到安全距离，向她扔巧克力。

Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

在嫁给一个人之前你一定要先考验一下他，给他一台网速爆慢的电脑看他到底是怎样的人。

A queen is never late. Everyone else is simply early.

女王从来都不会迟到，是其他人来早了而已。

No, I am not single. I am in a long distance relationship because my girlfriend lives in the future.

不不不，我不是单身狗，我只不过是在谈一场异地恋，我的女朋友住在未来。