“每逢佳节被逼婚”一直是诸多未婚青年的共同感受。
在过去的半个月里，无论是去姑父家还是舅舅家，只要大家在饭桌上坐下来，最关心的话题就是你那悬而未决的婚事。催婚的主力军则是家里的女性长辈。
一直疼爱你的奶奶语重心长地说：“你都多大了啊？该成家了。”
对你关爱有加的姨妈说：“邻居家的孩子都会打酱油了。多心疼心疼你爸妈。”
在一旁玩手机的妈妈对你说：“来来来，我给你看个小视频，你看隔壁张奶奶家的孙子长得多可爱啊！”然后给你一个迷之微笑。
当你好不容易盼望到同样也是单身狗的表弟赶回家里，却发现他居然带了女朋友回家。
全世界安静地只听到你心碎的声音。你从牙缝里挤出两个字，“叛徒”。
但你并不是一个人在战斗。
与此同时，有一部分年轻人为了避免在春节期间被爸妈和亲戚各种“花式逼婚”，毅然选择不回家过年。
不结婚的理由有千千万。也许你只是迟迟没有找到让自己怦然心动的人，也许你觉得事业更能给自己带来安全感，也许你因为高房价带来的经济压力而暂时对婚姻望而却步。
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随着中国社会的快速变迁，晚婚晚育已经成为普遍现象，尤其是那些生活在大城市的年轻人。而大部分单身者都表示愿意等到“对的人”再迈入婚姻的殿堂。
With the Chinese society undergoing rapid changes, late marriages and late parenthood are no longer uncommon, especially among residents of big cities. Many single Chinese are also willing to wait for the right partner.
2010年，最近的一次全国人口普查显示，25-29岁之间的未婚男性和未婚女性分别占36%和21%，而30-34岁之间的未婚男性和未婚女性分别是12%和5%。
In 2010, the last national population census showed 36 percent of men and 21 percent of women in the 25-29 age group as unmarried. For those between ages 30 and 34, it was 12 percent and 5 percent respectively.
“我之前跟爸妈发过毒誓，去年一定结婚。但婚姻是要讲缘分的，不是我说找就能找到的。”小马说道。今年30岁的她在北京开了一家小公司。
“I had promised my parents that I would get married last year. But marriage relies on destiny, and you can’t find it that easily,” says Ma, 30, who runs a small company in Beijing.
尽管她为自己并未遵守诺言而感到歉疚，但她受够了父母持续不停的唠叨。她的老家是湖南省的一个小城。她今年并没有回家过年，因为所有的亲戚都会在春节期间聚餐时抓紧一切机会聊她的婚事。
Although she feels bad to have broken her promise, she is fed up with her parents’ constant nagging. She didn’t return to her hometown, a small city in Hunan province, for the festival this year, because in the past all her relatives would gather for meals during Spring Festival and discuss her unmarried status at every opportunity.
除此之外，同辈带来的压力也很大。她有两个表妹，一个刚刚生二胎，另一个今年则带了男朋友回家过年。
In addition, there’s peer pressure: Ma has two younger female cousins back home – one just gave birth to a second child, and the other was visiting with her boyfriend this year.
“亲戚跟我说我发小的孩子都会打酱油啦！我妈甚至还说我如果不结婚，她会死不瞑目啊。每次遇到这种情况，我都很想迅速逃离。”她说道。
“My relatives would tell me that my old childhood friend’s kid is growing up. And, my mom complained that she would die discontent if I didn’t get married. I wanted to flee such situations,” Ma says.
作为一个独立女性，她希望可以和事业有成且和自己价值观一致的人结婚。她曾经相亲多次，但大多无疾而终。
As an independent woman, Ma wants to marry someone who has a successful career and shares her values. She has been on unsuccessful blind dates with many men.
“我们有时会因为选择太多而眼花缭乱。也许你还在考虑要不要和这个人交往的时候，人家就已经找好女朋友了。”她如是评价道。
“Sometimes we are dazed by the many choices,” Ma says of such dates. “And when you’re still considering whether to be with a man, he may have found a girlfriend already.”
总的说来，她对婚姻抱着谨慎的态度，她说一定要考虑清楚对方是不是那个你可以和他共度一生的人。
But overall, she is cautious about marriage.
“You have to be really careful and think if he is the one with whom you can spend your life.”
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[Liang Luwei/China Daily]
今年36岁的小金邀请父母来北京过年而不是回河北老家。她的父母不仅理解她工作很忙且压力很大，而且很少在她面前提起婚姻这个话题。
Jin, 36, invited her parents to Beijing instead of going back home to Hebei province for the usually weeklong festival holiday this year. Her parents not only understand that she is busy and under a great deal of work pressure but they also rarely bring up the topic of marriage before her.
但对她所在的大家庭来说，情况却完全不一样。
But it’s a different matter for her extended family.
“最好避免跟我的亲戚见面。否则，我要礼貌地告诉他们我还没有男朋友。如果我为了停止这个话题说我有男朋友，他们还会接着问我什么时候结婚。”她说道。她曾经在伦敦学习艺术，去年六月在北京成立了自己的公司。
“It’s better to avoid meeting my relatives. Or else, I have to politely tell them that I don’t have a boyfriend. If I say I have one in order to end such talk, they will then ask, ‘When are you getting married?’” Jin says. She studied fine arts in London and started her own company in Beijing in June.
“我很享受自己的单身生活。我只会跟我爱的人结婚，而不是出于压力。就算到我四五十岁的时候遇到我爱的人，也没什么。”
“I enjoy my single life. I will only marry someone I love, not under pressure,” she says. “It’s OK to meet the one I love when I’m in my 40s or even 50s.”
如果她投入时间在工作和朋友上，她会得到经济回报和友情。此外，她认为在婚姻上的投入显得冒险，因为结果是不确定的。
If she spends time on work and her friends, she will have both financial rewards and lasting relationships. Besides, it’s risky to invest in marriage as the outcome is uncertain.
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30岁的潼康（化名）在春节前就开始做心理准备，还把跟父母辩论时要用的观点都写了下来。
Tong Kang, 30, who refuses to reveal his real name, prepared himself mentally much in advance of the festival and wrote down notes in order to argue with his parents.
“我想心平气和地和他们讨论，尤其是在这种场合，但我们有时会因为这个事情吵架。”他说道。在北京工作的他同时在做一份兼职，总的年收入大概20万元。
“I want to exchange views calmly, especially on such occasions, but sometimes we quarrel with each other over this issue,” he says. The Beijing-based office worker also has a side occupation, and his total annual income is about 200,000 yuan.
“我会结婚，只是目前时机还不成熟。也许两三年后吧。”他说道。
“I will get married but the time is not ripe yet. Maybe two or three years from now,” he adds.
但他的父母毫不退让。他们每周给他打电话时都会提到这件事，这次春节期间也给他安排了一次相亲。潼康表示由于自己工作太忙，每次相亲后也不怎么再和对方联系。
His parents aren’t backing off though. Each week they mention the subject once over the phone. They also arranged a date for him during this Spring Festival, but Tong says he is too busy to follow up after such dates.
“北京的房价和孩子的教育成本太高。买一个房子要几百万。”他说道。他认为自己目前的经济条件还达不到这些标准。
“In Beijing, housing and educational expenses of children are steep. A house may cost several million yuan,” he says. He views his current financial condition as being below such standards.
他说自己的父母愿意在经济上支持他，他们还认为如果他结婚了，他可以和未来的妻子一起共同奋斗。
His parents, he says, are willing to support him financially and they think he and his wife could earn more together if he got married.
“他们说他们当年也是一起去解决了这些问题，但他们不了解我们这代人的经济压力。实在是太大了。”他说道。
“They told me that they resolved money problems together earlier, but they have no idea about the economic pressure on our generation. It’s much bigger,” Tong says.
“父母的社会压力很大，但他们没必要强迫不想结婚的孩子去结婚。那些很想结婚的人自己会去积极主动地找对象。如果你没有合适的对象，千万不要随便结婚。”上海维情国际婚姻医院的首席咨询师明丽说道。
“Parents are under great social pressure but they don’t have to force kids into marriages if the kids don’t want to. Those who are eager to get married will actively find a partner on their own. If you don’t have a suitable partner, you can’t marry hastily,” says Ming Li, chief counselor for Shanghai-based Weiqing International Marriage Hospital, a marriage consultancy.
她认为年轻人的想法不要过于受到父母的影响，在婚后要学着如何做负责任的丈夫和妻子。
Young people should think independently of their parents and learn how to be responsible couples when they find someone, she says.
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读到这里，面对逼婚压力而不知所措的小伙伴，可以读读罗爱萍的新书哦，第一时间get反逼婚攻略新技能。
39岁的罗爱萍是来自广州的一名律师，是《中国剩女调查》的第一作者。至今未婚的她总结了自己多年来丰富的反逼婚经验。
《世界那么大，我想一个人——反逼婚攻略》告诉单身人群如何处理来自父母、亲戚、同事和朋友的逼婚压力，还根据不同情况给出实用的建议。
The World Is So Big, I Want to Stay Single — Tips to Resist the Pressure to Marry tells singles how to tackle such pressure from parents, relatives, colleagues and friends. It offers practical suggestions for dealing with different situations.
“年轻人渴望自由，希望在社会发展的过程中争夺婚姻自主权。”她说道。
“Young people long for freedom and want to seize the decision-making power in marriage amid social development,” Luo says.
和父母同住的人面临的逼婚压力最大，因为父母可以随时随地唠叨他们，尤其是当他们参加完其他人的婚礼或者当邻居问起子女的婚事时。
Those who live with their parents face the greatest pressure because their parents can harangue them whenever they like, especially when attending others’ weddings or when neighbors ask about their kids’ marital aspirations.
科技使得不跟子女同住的父母也可以通过电话或网络短信来发牢骚。当子女回家和家人天天见面的时候，逼婚的压力达到顶峰。
Technology enables parents who don’t live with their kids to harass them by phone or online messages. But pressure peaks when the children return home to spend days faceto-face with their folks.
“传统的中国孝道意味着尊敬父母和服从他们的意愿，但我认为真正的孝道应该是追求个人幸福，因为所有的父母都希望自己的女子幸福。而父母和孩子应该是平等的个体。”罗爱萍说道。
“Traditional Chinese filial piety means respecting and obeying parents. But I think the real filial piety should be the pursuit of one’s own happiness because all parents want their kids to be happy. Parents and children should be equals,” Luo says.
她认为，结不结婚是个人的选择，而不是社会责任。不要因为压力就随随便便结婚。年轻人忍受不了不幸福的婚姻，当问题出现的时候，可能会导致离婚。”
“It’s an individual choice whether or not to marry. It’s not a social responsibility. Don’t rush into it because of pressure. Young people can’t stand unhappy marriages and may divorce when problems emerge.”
“找到合适的对象并不容易，又要情投意合，又要有相同的价值观。单身也可以享受丰富多彩的生活啊。我们要用开放的心态对待这些现象。”
“It’s not easy to find a suitable partner, with whom a person can share affection and values. Singles can enjoy colorful lives. We have to be open-minded about these phenomena.”
书里面的实用建议如下，希望大家活学活用，多跟爸爸妈妈沟通哈。
❶ 首先是经济独立。
Financial independence should come first and foremost.
❷ 父母和子女要沟通交流，聆听彼此的想法。子女需要告诉父母，晚婚的人不在少数，而生活方式也多种多样，尤其是在城市里。
Communication requires both sides to listen. It’s worthwhile to point out many Chinese are marrying later and that lifestyles are diversifying, especially in cities.
❸ 参加父母给你安排的相亲，表示你自己在积极地找对象。这会缓解他们的压力。
Attending the blind dates parents arrange shows you’re actively trying to find a partner. It’ll help them ease up.
❹ 丰富父母的物质生活，比如给他们买礼物、陪他们旅游，或者鼓励他们丰富业余生活，培养自己的爱好。
You can also improve their material life with gifts or by traveling with them, or encourage them to enrich their own lives by cultivating hobbies.
❺ 那些想一直单身的人需要制定理财规划、养老和重疾的规划。因为父母通常会担心自己去世以后，子女无人照顾。
Those who wish to remain single indefinitely should develop a financial plan and arrange for old age and illness. That’s because parents often worry nobody will take care of their kids after they’ve passed away.
每个人都有属于自己的故事，也都有属于自己的那一份坚持。
希望各位读者也留言说说自己为什么不结婚，欢迎分享你的故事。
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