这是上周获奖学生的作文，我点评和批改了一下，分数应该是6-6.5分
In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?
Schools play an important role in teaching children how
to boost good behavior.
But there are still some students with poor behavior problems, which may be caused by chil
dren’s personal factors
as well as
outside factors.
I would argue this issue could be solved.
点评：第一段话暴露的问题是用词
可以说
how to behave well
External factors, or environmental factors
感觉不是
7
分级别的学生
First of all, students from families where their
parents have a negative impact on them
are likely to have behavioral problems at school, because young people tend to copy adults' behavio
r
. Pa
rents are good role models of their children. I
f parents set a bad example for children, such as s
peaking bad languages
to others or fighting with others on
some occasion
, their children may behave in the same way at school. In particula
r, when students’ parents are busy with own affairs or not at home, students are likely to have easy access to the Internet and TV programs, potentially exposed to poor behavior.
点评：还是用词问题比较多，人不能说
have a negative impact on .
Use bad language
拓展也有问题，最后一句话其实不是父母的行为影响，而是父母没有管理孩子。
中间突然说个
good role models
也比较晕
分数应该是
6-6.5
分的级别，我们继续看
Another reason is that children may have
characteristic problems t
hemselves. Many families today usually have a single child. Children may not know how to get along well with other peers. For example, children al
ways feel a strong sense of absence
at home, because they are treated as a little emperor or princess, they can do whatever they want, even if they are at school. They may bully other classmates when
they conflicts with each other,
while students from multi-children families are more likely to have good behavior as they and their brothers or sisters have grown up together. They know how to deal with conflicts and have good relationships with others.
点评：
character flaws
才是比较合适的表达
A strong sense of absence
没有这个说法
然后整段话很多地方很重复
确定是
6-6.5
分的级别
In my opinion, schools and family need to
take step
to address this problem. School behavior
standards should be planed
to
regulate students’ performanc
e in classroom. And it is necessary to set more
incentive policies
to prize well behavioral students rather than punish poor ones. For parents, they should devote more time to developing children’s
mentally healthy growth
to reach a work-family balance, which is most important to children’s adult-life. Parents can regulate own behavior and learn more about children’s performance form teachers. This can help parents prevent children from poor behavior.
点评：这个学生如果最后分数是
6
分，表达是最大的原因
Take steps
Standards should be set
Regulate behaviour
Provide incentives
等等
In conclusion, both schools and family play a vital role in student’s development.
We should make efforts on boosting their behavior together.
