5分,6分和7.5分图表作文的区别(剑12 范例)
5分学生作文
The graph presents information about the differences in terms of the number of males and females who are into exercise in Australia with various ages.
The percentage of women aged 45 to 54 was the highest, at 53.3%, around 10% higher than the figure for men with the same age. Similarly, both 35-44 and 55-64 female sport fans accounted for almost 53%, while the proportion of male counterparts was lower about 10% on average. Compared with other age groups, the number of female lovers was more than males, the individuals aged between 15 to 24 saw a different situation which the female enthusiasts sector(52.8%) surpassed the males (47.7%). In addition, it is not desirable that only 39.5% of the male population were keen to participating in workout, and there were two close percentages of females and males in the 65 and over group, at 47.1% and 46.7 respectively.
Overall, females are more able to recognize the significance of physical training, and they are likely to take part in those activities with age, while males neglect its benefits until they reach middle age.
评分标注1,RA:
从头到尾学生都没有搞清楚对象词是什么,不清楚数字代表什么
评分标注2,CC:
没有分段,有些连接词similarly使用错误,it is not desirable that不知道是什么意思
评分标注3,LR:
用词很多问题,譬如说with the same age, female enthusiasts ,close percentages等等
不断换词,但是换的都错的, female lovers是什么鬼?
评分标注4,GRA:
错误百出,时态有时候用一般现在时
Situation引导定语从句?
Age groups 和number of female lovers 对比?
6分学生作文
The graph provides the data about the percentage of men and women of different ages in terms of doing exercise regularly in 2010.
Young boys were more passionate for physical activity ,with up to 52.8% of those boys aged 15-24.This figure is slightly higher than the proportion of girls of the same ages.As people got older,the proportion of women who did exercise regularly saw a stead increase,and reached 53.3% of those aged 45-54 women,while it dropped to 47.1 when they aged over 64.
In contrast,a different trend was seen about men.The figure firstly dropped steadily with age,and only 39.5% of those aged 35 to 40 had interest about physical activity,and then saw an increasing trend as they got older.
overall,women were more active than men in doing physical activity,and the most active age group of men and women is different,with the figure of men aged 15 to 24 and women aged 45 to 54 respectably.
评分标注1,RA:
基本上描述了图的主要信息,也非常注意对比
评分标注2,CC:
句子连接和分段都比较恰当
评分标注3,LR:
用词的问题比较多,包括boys使用不恰当
Interest没有冠词,steady拼错了
Graph一般用于线图
评分标注4,GRA:
Of the same age, they were over the age of 64才是准确的表达
The chart compares the proportion of men and women who participated in physical activity regularly in Australia in the year 2010.
As shown in the chart, women were more likely to exercise on a regular basis than their male counterparts in this country, with the execption of the 15-to-24 age group. The participation rate of women did not change significantly as they grew older, in contrast to the wider variance in that of men.
Only 47.7% of 15-24-year-old women were regularly involved in physical activity, compared with 52.8% of men in the same age group, but they saw a different pattern with age. The figure for women rose steadily and reached a peak of 53.3% for those falling into the 45 to 54 age bracket, whereas the proportion of men who remained physically active fell to the lowest point at 39.5% for those aged 35-44.
After women reached the age of 55, their participation in physical activity fell slightly (47.1% for those aged 65 or older), but the figure for men increased gradually. The smallest gender difference was seen in the 65-and-over age group.
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